Thursday, December 27, 2007

"If this is the right decision, then why am I crying myself to sleep?", I find myself asking.

I'm back in Sydney now, permanently it seems after 4 years living in Adelaide studying.
I feel strange. Everyone is the same, yet different, and I think I know why. I've changed a lot. And Perhaps I've held onto perceptions of people and family, and built and embellished upon truths such that when I'm back I've got these expectations of everyone, which noone really fulfills. In any case, I'm left thinking that perhaps it's just me that has to change these notions.

But it's tricky, because that is part of the reason why I decided to come back to Sydney in the first place. I thought that friends and family were important enough to move for. And it's hard to take when they perhaps don't realise that themselves. I'm talking about my brother here. I guess it's because he hasn't had to live away from home, or even live independently from my parents. I just hope one day he appreciates me as a sister.

As for friends, they've all changed in their own way, at their own pace. I just have to take the time to get to know them again.

I feel sad that I've lost contact with so many friends in Sydney.
And also that I'll not have the luxury of seeing the friends I made in Adelaide.

But I'm not just anxiously rethinking my decision to move back because of friends and family. It's the added stress of finding a place in the city nearby the hospital. The confusion about whether to rent of buy. To live alone, with friends, or with strangers. In which suburb to live in. Public transport. Debts. Insurance. Feeling guilty about borrowing money and other things. And feeling like it's all hopeless. Needing to talk to someone about it. And trying to re-establish my independence- what I had when I was in control in Adelaide.
And there's also the pressure about starting a job in hospital with no idea how the NSW health system runs compared to SA.

Perhaps I was looking at my life in Sydney in rose coloured glasses. But I've made my decision, and now I have to push on.
We'll see what the new year brings.
I'm in need of some optimism.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

And it's the end of this era of study..
I'm looking forward to picking up my hobbies again, though, I desperately hope that my drawing skills and imagination are still in tact. It seems as though i've lost my spontaneous habit of doodling, which is a ominous sign.

And it's the end of this life in Adelaide.
Moving back to Sydney for another round of meet and greet at my new job. Perhaps I'll meet some new exciting people? New characters? Perhaps i'll feel compelled to return to Adelaide in the future? Who knows?

I've spent the past week in Melbourne after my (terrible, boring, tedious, dreary..) placement in Mt Gambier. It was a fantastic time, idling around the city, catching the tram like a true melbournite, taking pictures of street graffiti.. I met some fantastic people- Caught up with Caz after 2 years, and met her significant. It's funny how you meet people and you just seem to click. Knowing people like that makes me not so cynical about people in general.

Anyways, now i'm tying up loose ends in Adelaide.
I think I'm ready to move on.
I'm hopeful for the next step.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Hmm.. reading back on past entries.. it's like reading through a chronically depressed person's scattered thoughts. Apologies.
Perhaps it's just because I'm getting antsy living here in Mt Gambier.
Maybe it's because i'm waiting for next year to start?

Anyways, today I received an email which weirded me out... Apparently some editor of Schmap wants to use a photo i posted on Flickr depicting Cambridge.
Hmmmm... No money though.. just the knowledge that my photo is going to be used in a free publication about traveling to Cambridge.
Why weirded out? Well... it's a crappy picture! Well... not crappy.. but definitely not one of my best.

Secondly, on the weekend, I went to my first race day. It was in Dunkald, a Victorian small town on the boarder of Victoria and SA. Apparently this Dunkald Cup is quite popular.. Anyways, with nothing really to wear to the races, I had to borrow a dress from my housemate's girlfriend. It turned out to be a jolly day. Lost a huge $3 though. Damn horse 6!!
My friend (an american cowboy) commented at the end of the day saying that he doesn't understand Australian men. All the women get dressed up and make an effort with dresses and hats and things, while the guys all look like they could be at an afternoon bbq.
He admitted that he liked putting out his nice things- he managed to pull out a set of tails! (And was immediately swarmed on by his girlfriend plus others.)
But I was thinking... Australian culture doesn't really have a traditional dress code. Not like the germans with their Dirndl.. or English with their tuxedos..
Sometimes not having a root heritage is sad.
I guess this just made me appreciate mine a bit more.. despite being 5th generation Australian. At least I know my roots.

Monday, November 05, 2007

My birthday came and went. It was a non-event.
Mostly because I don't have a current address. And I'm in Mount Gambier.

And by non- event, I mean non-event. No singing, cake, presents, cards...No rowdy party. No alcohol. Not even any chocolate.
But it was ok.

I guess I'm just getting old.

Anyways, today I learnt a valuable lesson. All surgeons are surgeons. They have the same personality. The same selfish desire to edge themselves higher up the medical foodchain.

The reason why I hate surgeons and their personalities is because I could never be like that. I'm not THAT kind of outgoing. But what is frustrating, is that I know that I have the skills to be a surgeon.
I wonder how many other people get put off a career path because of the people already in it?

Saturday, October 20, 2007

I think my parents said it best when they wrote me an email titled Slow haul homebound.
I'm back in Australia, after 2 days in Singapore.
Sydney is exactly how I remembered it. Urban sprawl. Wide roads. Space!
You don't appreciate the space until you have been to London or Singapore.
Space is valued because there isn't much of it.

Here, it's everywhere.

And phase 28 of my return trip ends with a 7 hour bus trip to the middle of nowhere.
The time it takes to fly from Singapore to Sydney.

Mmmmm.. Damn space..

Monday, October 15, 2007

Last 12 hours in London.

Tomorrow Singapore.

3 days later Sydney.

2 days later Adelaide.

I'm tired.

But it's been an awesome experience travelling on my own.

And there is stingray to come.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Spent 11 days in Germany, wandered (via the efficient germany rail system, despite it's strikes..) from Salzberg (ok ok while not technically in Germany, it's pretty damn close) to Rosenheim, Bad Aibling and Munich, to Nuremberg and Erlangen, Bamburg, then Berlin.
It was a hectic few days, but since my last european trip left most of Germany ungraced by my presence, I've had it in mind to travel through Germany.. That, and the fact that it's presence in modern history is infamous.
So I was lucky to have stayed with some friends along the way- Veronika the speech pathologist, and Gabi the doctor. Both I had met in Adelaide this year!

All I can say, is that I wish I had studied German. The people were friendly, the fresh produce was awesome (especially after England.. ) and the cities diverse and culturally alive.

This photo is from Nuremburg.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Well, it's been a while since I've updated this blog.
I'm getting ready for a trip to Belfast this coming weekend, and then a trip to Germany.
My travelling schedule is quite nuts- mostly because these trips have been last minute, and also because the cheaper flights are at times when normal people should be sleeping. My flight to Belfast arrives at 23:00.

Hmm.. Cambridge is the usual. Last week was the highlight of the elective, when an anaesthetist allowed me to do a spinal anaesthetic. Although this sounds horrible and difficult, it wasn't really... Maybe i'm getting desensitised to things in the medical world.. Actually, the one thing i was shuddering at was a clamp that was used to position a person's head during surgery. The ends looked like steal pencils, and were screwed into the patient's head. Talk about headache inducing.

Coming to the end of my elective in Cambridge. It's quite a beautiful town really.
On the weekend, went punting on the Cam and was quite pleased that i didn't fall in. My arms hurt for days afterwards though.
(For those not in the know.. punting is a form of (neolithic) rowing whereby someone decided that it would be great propelling the boat forward with a long wooden stick whilst standing up at the end of the boat. Madness.)

Oh, and this is perhaps the best photo i've taken! It's of 2 punts on the Cam towards Grandchester in Cambridge.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Well, here I am in Cambridge. City of scholar apparently. And bicycles. Lots of bicycles!

I feel like I'm back in school, shadowing doctors and desperately trying to orientate myself to a huge maze-like, ventilation deficient, concrete mass that is Addenbrooke's Hospital.

About my trip so far- Singapore (the 5 hours that i spent in transit) was great! I was shown the sights (including an elephant temple) and restaurants amidst the 35 degree humidity.

The trip to London was as good as it could be with dinner served at 11pm (Singapore time) and then breakfast at 2am (British time).. Then arriving at 5AM, because apparently we were ahead of schedule.
Met with Laura and she kindly took pity on my enormous bags under my eyes and shouted me a coffee. For the 4 or 5 days i spent in London with Michelle (my cuz) I battled the crowds in the tube, saw the tate modern (finally!), an awesome exhibition by Antony Gormley and generally explored the city. My feet were aching by 4pm each day! The highlight (or low light) was the 13p bagels I found in the East side of the city! Bargain!
I also saw a musical on famous the West End - The complete works of Shakespeare Abridged.
With my culture levels sky high, Laura, Tom and I organised a brief trip to Edinburgh- where the Edinburgh festival is currently in full swing. Lots of shows, and more culture... Apparently the Scots have a long history of battles, with everyone!

The rain and grey skies greeted me on arrival in Cambridge. Not much flooding though.

Meanwhile, I shall have to get used to paying $15 for a meal. My heart just can't take the shock every time i convert things back to AUD. ($18 for a burger king meal.. You've got to be JOKING!)

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The walls are closing in on me making (yet another*) life changing decision..
To stay or to go??
I've got 2 job offers next year- one in Adelaide, one in Sydney.
Now, which am i supposed to pick??

... While I don't call Adelaide home, I am unsure whether I call Sydney home either. I'm living the life of a gypsy, really! I haven't lived in the same place for more than 7 months i suspect.
Moving back to Sydney would be another huge move, which i'm hoping will be somewhat permanent. (By somewhat permanent, I mean more than 12 months!)
But here in Adelaide, I've enjoyed my independent freedom, met some awesome people and hung out with friends who I will miss if i were to leave.
Hmm.. Decisions..

* Yup, Exaggerating .. or perhaps not

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Packing packing..
You'd think i'd be used to it by now, after 3 and a bit years of gypsy-like moving.

Kinda stressed.. An assignment that I should be handing in in 2 weeks is barely done.

But anyways, an ethical situation occurred in the hospital i'm at.
I was seeing a patient who was visiting his daughter from China. So he spoke no english.
Anyway, he presented to hospital because of vomiting and central abdominal pain.
History and examination later, the consultant and I thought that an abdominal xray would be useful to rule out anything serious. (We were worried about a bowel obstruction, but this diagnosis wasn't the most probable, but the most dangerous in a way..)
Turns out that he didn't have proper medical insurance and couldn't afford the xray, let alone the treatment if necessary.

Scratching out heads, the doc and I came to the conclusion that we would get the xray, and it would probably show nothing and then we could send him home. Calling the Xray people, turns out an abdominal xray is $96!! (Which the patient couldn't pay.)

What would you do??

Well, the doc made a couple of phone calls and managed to organise free treatment for this unfortunate man.

Murphy's law came into play, because turns out that the xrays showed that he had a small bowel obstruction!
Which required a further abdominal CT and surgical consult with a possible operation.

Again, a few more phone calls later, and the hospital would take care of all expenses.

It made me aware of how often we order (and how often patients expect) investigations and tests. A common blood test alone costs the state government about $50! An abdominal CT is in the thousands of dollars..
And this is all 'free' due to our medicare system. It's good to hear about the positives of our system sometimes. It's a shame it's taken for granted by so many (including me) though.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Today out of the blue, I received a call from the associate professor of psychiatry..
Ages ago now, maybe 2 months ago, I left a copy of my audit on 'treatment of amphetamine induced psychosis in emergency departments' with his secretary. I never thought that he would read it.

So he rang, and proceeded to give me feedback, quoting page numbers and paragraphs. He then asked if he could use my research in a presentation he was giving to other Department of Health bigwigs. -With my permission of course!

He then said that my audit is worth publishing in journal!

It would be a lot of work, in a small amount of time..
But I've never had anything published before.. (Aside from that clich├ęd short story i wrote in year 10 about a boy suiciding by drowning himself.)

So, after a week of being emotionally confused and physically sick, I'm excited! *dances*

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Yay! For once people are visiting me!
Ed and Phil are driving down to visit me amongst other adventures..
My coz Amy is around this weekend too!

Bizarre. After 3 years of noone, then people!
*Feels loved*

On a random side note, today at the hospital i was taking blood and putting in a drip in a little old polish lady of about 80-something years old. Her 90-something year old husband was with her as a translator because she couldn't speak much english.
Anyways, I noticed as i glanced at her feet, that there were nude women on the back of a magazine. I took a second glance and noticed hyper-coloured text that went along the lines of.. "Call 1800-ADULTFUN"

... Errr i thought to myself..

I *subtly* lifted up the magazine to confirm my suspicions.
What are a 80 and 90 something year old polish couple doing with porn IN HOSPITAL?
I'm hoping that they were confused when they went to a newsagent. And the newsagent had a sick sense of humour. The other option is too freaky to contemplate.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

I just completed a CPR and advanced life support assessment..
During, my heart was racing, I was worried about the patient (a simulation mannequin), and stressing about what I was missing, or what I should be doing instead. It's amazing how realistic things are when you are 'in the moment'.

To be honest, I didn't think I would get this far- Giving orders and taking charge in an emergency situation where someone's - real or pretend- life is in your hands is a frikken nerve wrecking experience. Half way through the second round of CPR, I wanted to shout 'Live damnnit LIVE!' But i was too tired pounding on the patient's chest doing compressions, and counting up to 30. I hardly had time to think.

This time, I managed to revive the patient after what seemed like forever doing chest compressions. Statistics for CPR success is somewhat more pessimistic- about 0.5% are successfully revived.

Anyways, right now, i'm revelling in my win.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

I feel like a fraud..

When i was admitting a patient, the patient's nurse came in to do her part of the usual 20 questions one would get asked when in hospital. She came up to question number 10- Name of treating doctor.
She turned to me and said.. so what's your name? Low... L-O-W-E? No, just L-O-W. Dr Low.
Hmm.. I didn't correct her.

Part way through listening to the patient's chest, the same nurse said to me. "Dr, Make sure you get a palliative care referral." Again, I didn't correct her.

Now i feel really really guilty.
Like a fraud.
I hope i don't burn s-l-o-w-l-y and p-a-i-n-f-u-l-l-y in hell.

Like i said, REALLY guilty.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Last week of ophthalmology, and I've realised that there's only 2 terms left before i'm supposed to be in London!

The term has been great! Surprising! Fun?! (Oh yes!.. fun!)
Great because the consultants and Registrars are so helpful and welcoming.. The nurses say hi to you when you come in in the morning.. They aren't afraid to have me actually DO things..
Surprising because there's a great link between clinical and lab staff. They place quite a bit of emphasis on research and take pride in their own research projects as well as their collegues. Just last week i was talking the "the professor". (yep, he is a professor.. but i've yet to determine what makes you a professor..) I was asking him if he was going to be doing any corneal grafts so i could watch. He said no... but he did say he was doing some on sheep! So last thursday i got to see 2 sheep have a corneal graft each as part of a phd research project.
It was strange seeing an animal in an operating theatre instead of the usual human.
Fun? Well.. seeing crazy eye symptoms, or attempting to see the signs using the plethora of lenses and microscopes is fun, if not a bit frustrating..

So right now, i have an uncanny itch to do some sort of research paper.. Is that strange?

P.s. as a side rant, i HATE it when people say (or text) "I'll ring you tomorrow" when they actually mean "I'm busy now and I'll see you when i see you."
Why can't they just say what they mean?! */Rant*

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Pies pies pies.. Gooey, brewy, Yummy, chewy, pies!
Uh.. or something along those lines.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Hmm... 7 days ago, one of my longest-held friends was married. It was a beautiful day, and I guess a bit surreal at the time.
When you've known someone for 15 years or so.. (I've known her since year 3!) you're used to them being a kid. Young. Rash. Excitable. Running to school to get to assembly on time. And while the days of building tree houses and making friendship bands have been long gone, I guess the act of getting married cements the departure of childhood into adulthood.
I wondered if I'd ever make that step. Or find someone to haul me into true adulthood. Mature. Self assured. Driven towards a future.

That night I met up with a friend from my first uni degree. I think we're both in this transitional limbo, with uncertainty about our futures. Full of hypotheticals, possible pathways and self doubt.

We ended up playing with lego until 3am.

Monday, March 26, 2007

As a doctor, you have to learn to ask questions which in other (social) situations may otherwise be somewhat of a faux pas...
Examples include:
"How old are you?... Really!"
"Have you ever thought about killing yourself?"
"Have you ever tried to kill yourself and how?"
"Do you take illicit drugs? Or have you ever taken illicit drugs?"
"Do you hear or see things that other people may not see/hear?"

Today in I learnt a new one...
"Are you in any way related to your partner?"

Yes, today a lebanese couple brought in their baby who had a congenital eye condition. Causes are usually inherited and genetic.
Turns out the parents were first cousins. (!)

*Oh yes! For once the photo is coincidentally related to the post!

Sunday, March 25, 2007

I friend who i've known since year 2 is getting married.
It's very exciting! She asked me to be her bridesmaid.. so this weekend i flew over the
sydney to try on the bridesmaid dress..
In total, i spent about 24 hours in sydney.
Now i know how business people feel.. jet-setting around the place for work. Only for a few hours/days at a time.
It's more tiring than it sounds. I spent the whole flight back sleeping. (And being periodically woken up by a sharp nudge courtesy of the old woman behind me.. Perhaps she has Huntingtons??)

Anyways, it's onto the next rotation tomorrow: It's opthalmology. *fingers crossed* it'll be good!

Monday, March 12, 2007

I like unexpected things/objects/events which suddenly spark a cascade of memories in that deep dark chasm which is my memory.
This photo is one i took during the last few days in Waikerie. In my backyard, I was continually getting swooped and chirped at by an angry father-to-be. At one stage, I couldn't hang up my clothes at that corner for fear of my life*.
Well... It wasn't my idea that you should build your little nest on a corner of my clothes line!

This is the picture of the nest and proud mother-to-be. The father was, if memory serves me correctly, swooping around my head dangerously close to clipping my ear.
The nest seems to be made from washing machine lint.. Stranger strange!

*Perhaps this may be an over exaggeration of the amount of danger my life was in.. But the bird was fierce!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Life for me at this time evolves around going to hospital everyday- just like people go to work. However, instead of being paid in currency, I get paid in "experience".
So, my experience begins with sitting in traffic, of which is takes 10 mins to cross 40 meters of highway. Once past that, i arrive at the ward to be greeted by an scotsman with an jaunty- if not intelligible - broad accent, and a 6ft tall doctor, 2 helpful interns, and 2 unfortunate 3rd year medical students. At approximately 12 mins to 8, we go on a lightening ward round seeing 25 patients in 1 hour, throughly examining each and every patient of course!
Then I ask my interns what could i do to help? So the morning consists of taking blood, (I did my first ABG today), putting in intravenous drips, and occasionally chatting to patients who were confused about what the scotsman and giant mumbled during the ward round.
After that, usually i wander around to surgery, or to outpatient clinics, or just mill around the hospital trying to look busy.

Hmm.. where's the learning?
I guess it's learning about the everyday happenings in hospital. What an intern actually does.

You get to see some sights as well. Like ulcers as big as my head on the calf of a woman. Or seeing a leg amputated in surgery. Or helping a surgery trainee to do an unplanned full thickness skin graft.

I'm sure my next rotation will be different again. But I don't think I'll ever get rid of that distinct smell of pseudomonas* permeating through the ward from an infected ulcer.

*Smells like rancid fish mixed with sulfur.. Yewerpthhhh!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

No photo I'm afraid.
So uninspired and irritable lately.
Because of a number of things.

But lately, I'm beginning to think that maybe i have a personality disorder. Which is bad.
Or paranoia. Which is worse.

*breathe in*
I just HATE when people take things you do for them for granted. A thankyou wouldn't go astray. And when people are inconsiderate of others. Selfish. Gragh drives me mental!
It's all in the past.
Forget about it.

Perhaps it might be time to go back to Sydney after this year.
Change of scenary and all that?
Maybe i'm just running away.

Friday, February 16, 2007

I was bored and did this website dooby where you load a pic and it matches you up with celebrities you supposedly look like.... WTF! I look like Jesse Martin?!

Hey, don't answer that!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

I really know how to procrastinate- I've been doing nothing since 3pm today. And it's 10pm already.

Go here: Yes, HERE!!!!!
It's a fantastically nerdy, platform stage game-esque, Super COOL pixeled animation by Paul Robertson. Somewhat gory, Over the top, and oh, did i mention it has a pirate baby as the end boss? Look out for the Chung Li octopus. Loved the gag on channel 7. Bunch of zombies!

.....Today i was in theatre (yes, I've started my new term). And after a 2.5 hour operation in a poor patient's abdomen, the surgeon showed me how to use the staple gun to close the wound. Then he passed me the gun, and I had a go. Now, this surgeon told me something, maybe somewhat flippantly. He said, 'I've never seen a person do so well on their first go with this staple gun." ... "You should be a surgeon." .. "But then that's what they say everywhere don't they. If you're good at 'bagging and masking' then you should become an anesthetist."

Now, I think I'd be quite good at the practical aspect of surgery. But I don't think I'd be able to last in the training program. It's tough, there's a definate hierarchy, and of course there's a billion different ways of doing something, but there's only one RIGHT way- which differs according to who the surgeon teaching you is.
Plus I'm indecisive.
Not forthright.
Softly spoken. (sometimes)
Easily intimidated.

Sigh. If only i could just skip to the part where you operate all day, and forget about the actual training bit.

I feel the total opposite with psychiatry.
I'd be unsure if i could do CBT or other therapy sessions with patients as a psychiatrist. But I'd be able to handle inpatient management and things a psychiatrist-in-training would do.

I dunno. Choices.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

There are 2 days left of psych.. and i move onto vascular.
I've really enjoyed psych, and the variety of presentations of different patients. Of course, it helps that the psychiatrists are very helpful in terms of teaching and guidance.

A friend emailed me this article entitled: Phenotypic differences between male physicians, surgeons, and film stars: A Comparative Study.
It got me thinking... how are psychiatrists in the scheme of things? Not really hands on like surgeons, but very structured (believe it or not) in terms of how they assess a person. They are constantly updating information about latest theories and best practice management of psychiatric conditions, but aren’t considered physicians.
Hhmmm… I’ve been called a Quack by an ED doc, jokingly… Made me laugh!

The bottom line is that the people presenting with psychiatric illness’ are ill, and deserve to be treated, just like people from medical illness’.

In other news, 9 weeks until Erica and John’s wedding.

7 weeks until I go back to Sydney for dress fittings.

4 week until the Festivals start- Womadelaide, The Fringe Festival and the Adelaide Festival.. Wonder why they all happen at once? Suddenly, it’s like the population of Adelaide triples over the month or so that it occurs. It’s then that I’m reminded of Sydney.. Come visit me then! And witness the chaos!

1 week until rent is due.
=p Yup. Unrelated.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Transference is a term in psychiatry that basically means how you feel based upon how the person you are talking to feels. That is, picking up the 'vibes' from the person you are talking to. Freud originally explained this phenomena by saying the person is unconsciously channelling a past event or relationship towards this new interaction.

It's something that I've been told to pick up on, and I have during my term in psychiatry. My register mentor said that you could often diagnose someone based on your reaction after interviewing them. If you feel depressed after an interview, the person is probably depressed; if you feel racy and energetic, the person is manic; if you feel confused, the person is psychotic; if you feel annoyed, the person has borderline personality disorder. And although this seems very superficial- basing a diagnosis on how you feel- it works!

I've felt so low almost to the point of tears, after talking to a depressed patient.
I've felt confused, mystified (and somewhat cautious) when talking to a psychotic patient. (I asked him why he was in hospital, and he said, "Because I was going to kill John Howard. That's all. He greased my backside. Agents told him to...")

And although it's often stigmatised, mental illness is a biological illness. Well, mental illness is the combination of a biological fault, with an upbringing that doesn't teach you adequate coping strategies. And sometimes, genetic predisposition and life circumstance plays a part as well.

On a tangent, John and Josh drove to Adelaide from Sydney yesterday! And are enjoying the throbbing city life of this city. I'm much impressed- They drove from 5am to 9pm to make it here in a day. I took 2 days, and didn't want to drive for a week afterwards.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

New years resolution...
I usually don't have one, but this year is different.
I've been told that I've got to talk louder, so I'll endevour to crank up the volume.
I've been told that I should be less passive, so I'll try be more assertive and decisive.
I've been told myself that I should explore new things, so I'll try to leave my square.

Lets see how it goes!

Friday, January 05, 2007

First week back.
It's weird- I'm seeing people around the place, but not consistently. And i'm mostly hanging around a RMO(3rd year grad) who's teaching me the ropes of psychiatry.

I'm also paranoid that i'm losing my ability to communicate properly. My grammar and proper english structure is rapidly deteriorating. I wonder if that's because i'm trying to stuff information in and other - important- information is being deleted... much like hard drive memory.. When something needs to be saved, but the memory's full, something older must go instead.
It could be because I'm not as confident about my ability as i used to be.
Sometimes I feel like i'm full of self doubt that there's not much point in me being here.
Part of medicine in the facade of confidence.

I don't know.

But on the plus side- I have made it though third year medicine, and have just this year until i've completed my second degree. (And am in the workforce , not relying on John Howard and my parents to fund my life.)

In other news, Erica and John are engaged and are getting married in April!
And they have asked me to be their bridesmaid, along with John's sister and Susan. I'm very excited! She's the first of my friends to get married... Kinda makes me feel like i should get on with my life.. I'm envious that they've found each other and suit each other so perfectly. Certainly, I hope to find someone who complements me like they do. *Sigh* But I'm looking forward to the celebration and helping them celebrate this step in their relationship!!
Weddings are always such a happy occasion!