Saturday, August 06, 2005

>> apologies for the depressing post. You have been forewarned. But maybe the pic will make up for the words..!

I've got insomnia.
I can't get to bed- and it's 3am in the morning!

Well, it's been a week of excitement, considering that it's only a week out from exams.. Because you would usually think we would be in social isolation right about now.

Anyway, What shall i say, except that i'm sick of losing.
Losing to the world. in general. that is. sick of being the one that's always there, being the person everyone leans on and who smiles and is known as the nice girl. the one that people forget about. forget about when they have moved on and don't need someone to listen to their problems. i've always been in the background and i thought that i had changed that. but it doesn't seem that way now. i guess i was wrong. you can't change who you are. what you do. how you behave. perhaps i'll always be that person. that nice person. i think i need to vent. where's Emily when you need her??

i don't know. sometimes i feel really down and isolated here. in adelaide. like there's nothing here for me.
at the beginning of this year, i promised myself that i would be an optimist. give it a change. see if it would bring me closer to something. you know- positive attitude and all that bullshit. you can't change who you are and pessimism is just me.
perhaps it's just that i hide myself well.
perhaps. perhaps it's just.

sigh. sometimes people suck.

>>Edit: This is exactly part of what i'm raving on about... part of..


Michael said...

I feel for you J. It must be difficult to be in Adelaide. Wherever you go or whatever you do in life, don't feel like you are running away from something. You are experiencing life. As much as you feel like you haven't changed, you would have, your introspection proves it.

What I've always hated is when people tell you to cheer up and everything is ok. So, I'm not going to. I like wallowing in my sadness until I naturally change moods. I'd rather someone just listen to what I'm feeling and give me a friendly hand.

On a positive note, your photography always has a special something. Your photos can be colourful, fresh, clean and quirky. You should really cultivate this ability you have.

I really hope you to have better days in the near future. A big hello from little old Sydney.

Mr Tang said...

Hey J,

Maybe it's just a phase, I know I have my ups and downs. Venting helps, better than to keep it all in.

On first reading I thought you said, "at the beginning of this year, i promised myself that i would be an OPTOMETRIST." and I was thinking... hey, I didn't know J wanted to do that. But alas...

Look on the bright side, at least you still have your youth and good looks!


Anonymous said...

its the biggest cliche ever, but it applies to everything in life which involves making a decision, or putting yourself on the line:

when you fall off your bike, you just have to get back on and give it another go, cos if you dont try again, then you have no chance of accomplishing your goal. if you try again, you have as much chance to succeed as anyone else.

and thats not meant to be gloating about anything. it is advice that has served me well in the past.

Jaye said...

Hey y'all,
Thanks for your pearls of wisdom- They all made me feel somewhat better. That and the half kilo of chocolate brownie i just baked and ate! (I burnt my mouth- but i think it was worth it!)