I just completed a CPR and advanced life support assessment..
During, my heart was racing, I was worried about the patient (a simulation mannequin), and stressing about what I was missing, or what I should be doing instead. It's amazing how realistic things are when you are 'in the moment'.

To be honest, I didn't think I would get this far- Giving orders and taking charge in an emergency situation where someone's - real or pretend- life is in your hands is a frikken nerve wrecking experience. Half way through the second round of CPR, I wanted to shout 'Live damnnit LIVE!' But i was too tired pounding on the patient's chest doing compressions, and counting up to 30. I hardly had time to think.

This time, I managed to revive the patient after what seemed like forever doing chest compressions. Statistics for CPR success is somewhat more pessimistic- about 0.5% are successfully revived.

Anyways, right now, i'm revelling in my win.

Fraud!
I feel like a fraud..

When i was admitting a patient, the patient's nurse came in to do her part of the usual 20 questions one would get asked when in hospital. She came up to question number 10- Name of treating doctor.
She turned to me and said.. so what's your name? Low... L-O-W-E? No, just L-O-W. Dr Low.
Hmm.. I didn't correct her.

Part way through listening to the patient's chest, the same nurse said to me. "Dr, Make sure you get a palliative care referral." Again, I didn't correct her.

Now i feel really really guilty.
Like a fraud.
I hope i don't burn s-l-o-w-l-y and p-a-i-n-f-u-l-l-y in hell.

Like i said, REALLY guilty.