Dear Dr Phil,
I have this crush on this guy which is all well and good, cept that he's attached already.
(And he's the son of my daughter's husband's pet goldfish)
What shall I do?
Yours sincerely.

Dear Oprah,
A friend of mine wants to get with this guy who i've heard many dubious stories about.
(I've already advised antibiotic prophylaxis)
What shall I do now?
Yours Sincerely.

Dear Mystic Meg,
The Melbourne cup is coming- it's actually on the day of my birthday.
(I am a scorpio, my favourite colour is green, and my element is water)
What horse should i tip?
Yours sincerely.