So 3 more weeks until the end of this round of shift work.
It's turned out to be tiring.

Disgruntled. Angsty. Angry. Tired. Not-so-subtle. I've been called and have called myself these names. Emergency makes you harder. Less centred on quality, and more quantity. Waiting lists, complaining patients, staff stress. You try your best, and yet from the patient's point of view, they have been waiting for hours. They don't know you haven't had lunch.

There has to be a better system.
Emergency has suddenly morphed into the golden triage, where medicine is not practiced. Only labeling patients into categories for other's to sort out.

Anyway, depressing thoughts aside.
I've got visitors soon!
Next week Caz and Ming.
It's going to be welcome relief from working.

I've been asleep under a rock.
Obliviously.
This evening, apparently, I find out there's been a hurricane in Burma. Millions are missing. It's possibly the biggest news this year. This happened May 3rd. It is now 5 days later. Damn work.

Other news, (quite big news actually) - 2 of my cousins are engaged. Within 2 weeks of each other. One lives in sydney. The other in Brisbane. (So no, it wasn't rigged.)
I like weddings!

Today I had my wallet stolen. The awesome one from Etsy. I was sad.
Today I also found out I've has an unpaid traffic offense fine since July LAST YEAR. The damage is $570. Ouch.
Today I paid for dinner for my parents. Finally. After months of promising to take them out for dinner.
Today I had lunch with a stranger. Found out I am attracted to accents after all. =)

I've been missing in action online.
No internet at home;
No access to *dare I say it* facebook at work,
Just email, and even then just for a few minutes before work.

Hmm.. life without the internet is strange. But strangely after 2 months 'unwired' I don't really miss it.

Looking back;
It is surprising how much time I spent in front of the monitor, and to create what??
A virtual life revolving around blogging, and reading other people's blogs. Reading the news. Looking at people's photos, artworks, creations.
I guess for that amount of time, I haven't anything to show for it now. Not like a written manuscript, or a creation of my own.

Intangible.
That's the word I'm looking for.
The internet in intangible.

Still, the useful aspects of the net are regrettable- bus timetables, internet banking, *rosters for my shifts at work*!

The internet does have it's place.

Stumbled across this picture of my car after the trek from Sydney to Waikerie.
Gross hey? .. And a pain to clean!

Anyways, nothing really to say, except that I've successfully survived a week as a doctor.
Memorable moments included being called "Frail" by a 96 year old demented patient, Prescribing (incorrectly) potassium phosphate instead of potassium chloride.. (whoops), and being hauled around the hospital by a wanna-be-gay-maybe-gay-but-in-denial-severely-metrosexual doctor. Also survived a 14.5 hour shift this sunday, so it's all old hat from here right?
I doubt it, but that's why medicine is such a unique occupation- you can never predict what you'll be doing next.

Oh, and the hunt for a decent abode nearer the hospital continues..

Conversation between myself and my 2 cousins, Steven aged 10 and Josh 12ish..
Me:[spies a nintendo DS] Hey Steven, what game are you playing?
Steven: It's called Pokemon..
Me: Oh, I used to play that.. I was a master pokemon trainer, and all my pokemon were level 90!
Steven & Josh: Really! ..
Steven: Can we link up?
Me: Huh?
Steven: Can you show me your pokemon?
Me: Umm.. I played maybe 7 years ago.. and it was on the original game boy. (Actually, it was on the computer, but that would take too long to explain..)
Steven: What do you mean original game boy? Mine's original!
Josh: I think she means the game boy colour.
Me: No, it was black and white..
Steven: You mean the DS?
Me: No... It had a screen this big, and had a cross and an A and B button..
Josh: Yeh! And it was really big and chunky..
Me: YEH!
Josh: [whispers to Steven] I think it was the game boy colour.
Me: No! It was out before you were both born! Look it up!

....

Steven: [To Josh] Do you want to link up?

Bah, I can't believe I'm this old.

Nothing says Christmas, and then New Year than mountains of left over food.. with the pièce de résistance being mother's baked ham..

"If this is the right decision, then why am I crying myself to sleep?", I find myself asking.

I'm back in Sydney now, permanently it seems after 4 years living in Adelaide studying.
I feel strange. Everyone is the same, yet different, and I think I know why. I've changed a lot. And Perhaps I've held onto perceptions of people and family, and built and embellished upon truths such that when I'm back I've got these expectations of everyone, which noone really fulfills. In any case, I'm left thinking that perhaps it's just me that has to change these notions.

But it's tricky, because that is part of the reason why I decided to come back to Sydney in the first place. I thought that friends and family were important enough to move for. And it's hard to take when they perhaps don't realise that themselves. I'm talking about my brother here. I guess it's because he hasn't had to live away from home, or even live independently from my parents. I just hope one day he appreciates me as a sister.

As for friends, they've all changed in their own way, at their own pace. I just have to take the time to get to know them again.

I feel sad that I've lost contact with so many friends in Sydney.
And also that I'll not have the luxury of seeing the friends I made in Adelaide.

But I'm not just anxiously rethinking my decision to move back because of friends and family. It's the added stress of finding a place in the city nearby the hospital. The confusion about whether to rent of buy. To live alone, with friends, or with strangers. In which suburb to live in. Public transport. Debts. Insurance. Feeling guilty about borrowing money and other things. And feeling like it's all hopeless. Needing to talk to someone about it. And trying to re-establish my independence- what I had when I was in control in Adelaide.
And there's also the pressure about starting a job in hospital with no idea how the NSW health system runs compared to SA.

Perhaps I was looking at my life in Sydney in rose coloured glasses. But I've made my decision, and now I have to push on.
We'll see what the new year brings.
I'm in need of some optimism.