No photo I'm afraid.
So uninspired and irritable lately.
Because of a number of things.

But lately, I'm beginning to think that maybe i have a personality disorder. Which is bad.
Or paranoia. Which is worse.

*breathe in*
I just HATE when people take things you do for them for granted. A thankyou wouldn't go astray. And when people are inconsiderate of others. Selfish. Gragh drives me mental!
*sigh*
It's all in the past.
Forget about it.

Perhaps it might be time to go back to Sydney after this year.
Change of scenary and all that?
Maybe i'm just running away.

Ok.
I was bored and did this website dooby where you load a pic and it matches you up with celebrities you supposedly look like.... WTF! I look like Jesse Martin?!

Hey, don't answer that!

I really know how to procrastinate- I've been doing nothing since 3pm today. And it's 10pm already.

Go here: Yes, HERE!!!!!
It's a fantastically nerdy, platform stage game-esque, Super COOL pixeled animation by Paul Robertson. Somewhat gory, Over the top, and oh, did i mention it has a pirate baby as the end boss? Look out for the Chung Li octopus. Loved the gag on channel 7. Bunch of zombies!

.....Today i was in theatre (yes, I've started my new term). And after a 2.5 hour operation in a poor patient's abdomen, the surgeon showed me how to use the staple gun to close the wound. Then he passed me the gun, and I had a go. Now, this surgeon told me something, maybe somewhat flippantly. He said, 'I've never seen a person do so well on their first go with this staple gun." ... "You should be a surgeon." .. "But then that's what they say everywhere don't they. If you're good at 'bagging and masking' then you should become an anesthetist."

Now, I think I'd be quite good at the practical aspect of surgery. But I don't think I'd be able to last in the training program. It's tough, there's a definate hierarchy, and of course there's a billion different ways of doing something, but there's only one RIGHT way- which differs according to who the surgeon teaching you is.
Plus I'm indecisive.
Not forthright.
Softly spoken. (sometimes)
Easily intimidated.

Sigh. If only i could just skip to the part where you operate all day, and forget about the actual training bit.

I feel the total opposite with psychiatry.
I'd be unsure if i could do CBT or other therapy sessions with patients as a psychiatrist. But I'd be able to handle inpatient management and things a psychiatrist-in-training would do.

I dunno. Choices.
HELP!!!!

There are 2 days left of psych.. and i move onto vascular.
I've really enjoyed psych, and the variety of presentations of different patients. Of course, it helps that the psychiatrists are very helpful in terms of teaching and guidance.

A friend emailed me this article entitled: Phenotypic differences between male physicians, surgeons, and film stars: A Comparative Study.
It got me thinking... how are psychiatrists in the scheme of things? Not really hands on like surgeons, but very structured (believe it or not) in terms of how they assess a person. They are constantly updating information about latest theories and best practice management of psychiatric conditions, but aren’t considered physicians.
Hhmmm… I’ve been called a Quack by an ED doc, jokingly… Made me laugh!

The bottom line is that the people presenting with psychiatric illness’ are ill, and deserve to be treated, just like people from medical illness’.

In other news, 9 weeks until Erica and John’s wedding.
Excitement!

7 weeks until I go back to Sydney for dress fittings.

4 week until the Festivals start- Womadelaide, The Fringe Festival and the Adelaide Festival.. Wonder why they all happen at once? Suddenly, it’s like the population of Adelaide triples over the month or so that it occurs. It’s then that I’m reminded of Sydney.. Come visit me then! And witness the chaos!

1 week until rent is due.
=p Yup. Unrelated.

Transference is a term in psychiatry that basically means how you feel based upon how the person you are talking to feels. That is, picking up the 'vibes' from the person you are talking to. Freud originally explained this phenomena by saying the person is unconsciously channelling a past event or relationship towards this new interaction.

It's something that I've been told to pick up on, and I have during my term in psychiatry. My register mentor said that you could often diagnose someone based on your reaction after interviewing them. If you feel depressed after an interview, the person is probably depressed; if you feel racy and energetic, the person is manic; if you feel confused, the person is psychotic; if you feel annoyed, the person has borderline personality disorder. And although this seems very superficial- basing a diagnosis on how you feel- it works!

I've felt so low almost to the point of tears, after talking to a depressed patient.
I've felt confused, mystified (and somewhat cautious) when talking to a psychotic patient. (I asked him why he was in hospital, and he said, "Because I was going to kill John Howard. That's all. He greased my backside. Agents told him to...")

And although it's often stigmatised, mental illness is a biological illness. Well, mental illness is the combination of a biological fault, with an upbringing that doesn't teach you adequate coping strategies. And sometimes, genetic predisposition and life circumstance plays a part as well.

On a tangent, John and Josh drove to Adelaide from Sydney yesterday! And are enjoying the throbbing city life of this city. I'm much impressed- They drove from 5am to 9pm to make it here in a day. I took 2 days, and didn't want to drive for a week afterwards.

New years resolution...
I usually don't have one, but this year is different.
I've been told that I've got to talk louder, so I'll endevour to crank up the volume.
I've been told that I should be less passive, so I'll try be more assertive and decisive.
I've been told myself that I should explore new things, so I'll try to leave my square.

Lets see how it goes!

First week back.
It's weird- I'm seeing people around the place, but not consistently. And i'm mostly hanging around a RMO(3rd year grad) who's teaching me the ropes of psychiatry.

I'm also paranoid that i'm losing my ability to communicate properly. My grammar and proper english structure is rapidly deteriorating. I wonder if that's because i'm trying to stuff information in and other - important- information is being deleted... much like hard drive memory.. When something needs to be saved, but the memory's full, something older must go instead.
It could be because I'm not as confident about my ability as i used to be.
Sometimes I feel like i'm full of self doubt that there's not much point in me being here.
Part of medicine in the facade of confidence.

I don't know.

But on the plus side- I have made it though third year medicine, and have just this year until i've completed my second degree. (And am in the workforce , not relying on John Howard and my parents to fund my life.)

In other news, Erica and John are engaged and are getting married in April!
And they have asked me to be their bridesmaid, along with John's sister and Susan. I'm very excited! She's the first of my friends to get married... Kinda makes me feel like i should get on with my life.. I'm envious that they've found each other and suit each other so perfectly. Certainly, I hope to find someone who complements me like they do. *Sigh* But I'm looking forward to the celebration and helping them celebrate this step in their relationship!!
Weddings are always such a happy occasion!

=)