Something else

2011-11-29T22:49:00.001+10:30

Things I've thought about lately that are making me rethink my strategy on life-
It's easier not to do the right thing.
Yes, it's true.
Take having the "you're taking too much pain medication" talk.
Patients have spent the past 3-4 weeks taking pretty hard core pain medication after surgery. They have built a tolerance and (some might argue) addiction to pain medication. It's time to wean them off.

It is easier for me to write them a script for their medication and avoid talking to them.

Instead, I spend 15 (often painful) minutes telling them why they should cut down, and attempting to start the opioid weaning process prior to discharge. Rarely I get the "that's cool doctor go ahead" response. A majority of patients are defensive and anxious- "you think i'm a junkie", "You don't believe that i'm in pain", "i've been having this dose and I'm sticking with it!" "Can't you give me more than that doctor??! What am i going to do when they run out?"
It's easier to just do what they want, continue with the routine, not shake the boat.

In my own life, I hope I have learnt from my frustrating times at work, but lately I've noticed the same corroding behaviour influencing my choices. Easier to stay in this simple (yet limitlessly annoying, frustrating and vapid) job. Easier to stay within the same circle of people talking about the same subjects. Easier not to go to the gym! eep!

Time to have that annoying talk with myself..

2011-09-24T14:19:00.001+09:30

I haven't read or seen the movie 'How Stella got her groove back' .. But I feel like I need to, or at least, find out how the groove was found. Although if it involves finding some male counterpart soul mate who miraculously loves her for who she is - the end-, then I might just give it a miss.

2010-06-06T20:07:00.003+09:30

Despite the rain, the sky intermittenly shines with such drama. This was on the way back from Cockatoo Island last weekend.
P.s. My basil 8 months later- A study of survival of the fittest:
I had about 20 basil sprouts in January, and this has been wittled down to 5. I'm quite proud of how they have grown.

2010-06-01T22:48:00.002+09:30

I wonder if they realise they are separated by a thin wall of chipboard??

2010-04-29T22:31:00.002+09:30

I am really uneasy with the decision my boss made for a patient today..
1- Because there have been scant medical investigations done prior to diagnosis.
2- Because the patients behaviour was unconductive to more invasive investigation.
3- Because the decision- I feel- has been pushed by nursing staff.
My boss was bullied!!

The scenario was this:
Patient with locally invasive bladder cancer comes in with difficult to control pain. We titrate her pain medication up with morphine. The pain seems to be from her back. We query whether it's due to spinal cord invasion due to her cancer. We get an MRI and that's normal. Meanwhile we start ketamine.
She gets acutely confused, delirious, and aggressive- throwing chairs at staff for example.
We think maybe this confusion might be her drugs- so we wean down her pain relief and stop the ketamine.
Still not better.
We think infection, but no sources found anywhere and she hasn't been feverish.
Meanwhile nursing staff are asking for midazolam to sedate her.
A few days pass. Still no answers for her difficult to manage aggression and confusion.
The nurse manager asks us for a continual infusion of midazolam in order to save money getting a one-on-one nurse for the patient to prevent her from harming herself.
We say we would like to investigate the reason behind her delirium instead of drugging her!
And also there's a known 'paradoxical' effect with benzodiazepines which might provoke aggitation..
The following day, the nurse manager again asks for a continuous infusion of m's idazolam.
It was then that my boss came up with a diagnosis- encephalitis caused by a paraneoplastic syndrome from her cancer.
Conveniently there is no cure- it only gets worse and she is started on a midazolam infusion.

People might think that doctors run the show in hospitals, but like the tooth fairy, it's all a convenient myth.
The real ones in power are nursing staff. And sometimes that's a good thing- when good nurses are around and have sound clinical knowledge coupled with great knowledge of the patient. Sometimes it's bad due to the opposite.
A lot of this isn't particularly interesting, but it's the first time i've actually doubted my bosses decisions! Hmm

2010-03-25T14:53:00.000+10:30

2009-11-15T18:38:00.003+10:30

Am enchanted by the recent cartoons on at the cinema- coraline (although despite recurrent attempts I never made it to that particular movie), Up (Low expectations, but wonderful amimation and brillient storyline), and Ponyo (So innocent and wistful.. A twist on the traditional little mermaid storyline).
All were optimistic, and hopeful.
This tea cup is in a similar theme... from Sweden! A birthday gift from a beautiful friend who is similarly minded about mythical worlds and nostalgia.
Having said that, I'm looking forward to Spike Jonze's Where the Wild Things Are. Although how he extends a 8 sentence picture book into a 1.5 hour movie remains to be seen..

2009-10-28T22:32:00.002+10:30

My Sprouting Basil!

Resolutions for when I turn 27 (in a couple of days time):
Learn something new everyday;
Find patience with people and myself;
Complete things you start;
Live healthier.

Kind of typical, but things I should be working on to be happier in myself I guess.

2009-10-17T12:50:00.003+10:30

$3000 owed to the tax office?! *cries*

Why do i have to pay back almost a month's salary for tax?

Maybe I should hope to win the lottery for my birthday... Or meet a beneficiary..

2009-10-07T09:29:00.001+10:30

Last night shift for the year today!
Wheeeee!!

2009-09-21T10:39:00.002+09:30

Thinking about living healthier. Mostly because my dad recently went through a heart attack- the most dreaded of medical afflictions in our population these days. He is only 58, and doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, isn't obese. It's made me realise that we are not invincible, and perhaps this thought marks the transition from youth to adult. Suddenly I realised that life does have an expiry date, that parents cannot look after me forever, and that they too require help.
And now it was time for me to look after my parents. What a role reversal.

So now, i've got a "family history of heart attacks" and cancer. And there is a guilt weighing in my head about regular exercise and decent diet. These things are so essential, but difficult to integrate into my life because of my irregular shift work hours..

But yesterday, the Sydney half marathon was on. We were flooded by young "fit" people in our emergency department. Most were young 30-40 somethings who hadn't trained for the event, and subsequantly had dehydration, loss of consciousness, acute renal failure, and even seizures.

Binge exercise.
Like binge drinking/ Binge partying /Binge smoking- does more harm than people think.

Which got me thinking that I should start exercise, but slowly and in moderation. Just have to find the time to do it.

2009-07-30T13:46:00.004+09:30

These warm winter days are something like a godsend. Impatient (and bored), I decided to go ahead and plant my parsley plant in a giant terracotta pot from Ikea. Thought while i'm at it, to try to plant my friend's wedding card- You know those new sorts of cards that you're supposed to soak and then plant because they have hidden seeds in them..
I got caught up in Bunnings and bought a few packets of seeds as well- basil and spring onion.

So instead of planging the parsley, I ended up planting the card (which turns into some sort of tree) and the spring onion.

And I was somewhat dubious as to the results considering it's in the middle of winter. (The exact worse time to sow seeds). But this morning I was quite excited by this:

Which is a little ray of green amongst:

2009-04-23T21:29:00.003+09:30

This made me smile- the kind of smile that reoccurs suddenly because of it's ridiculusness...

P: a 79year old (but looks like he's 90), with an english-London accent, ex-graphic designer, patient at hospital with many MANY health issues.
Me: Not-yet-30 yrs old, doctor.

So the conversation went something like this..

Me: So what do you think of going home after dialysis on Friday?
P:Oh no, I couldn't possibly. It takes a lot out of me you know.. I'm not 18 any more.
Me: Neither am I!
P: Oh, but you look like you are 18 years old..
Me: I look young, I guess.
P: And once you reach 30, you're mutton anyway.
Me: !!!! (Walk away from the patient thinking.. I'm 3 years until I'm mutton! )

The following day..

P:So I hope you weren't offended when I said that comment about women being mutton.
Me: Oh no, not at all. (a white lie)
P:Because we live in a society where we're imaged obessed, we can't grow old gracefully anymore, everyone has to look younger and younger.
Once women hit 50 years old, their opinions don't matter. Noone wants to hear their opinions anymore, they become obsolete. There's no point marketing anything towards those old women.
Me: !!!!!

I was kinda offended at his first remark. The second, I thought, was just the ramblings of an old man who was developing some frontal brain changes.

2009-04-21T20:54:00.005+09:30

So, consequences of actions:
(Very brief and un-PC: Apologies)
Fat lady with everything wrong with her asks a surgeon that she wants a lipoma(fancy word for non-life-threatening abnormal lump of fat) removed from her arm.
Surgeon tries to convince her the surgery is unnecessary.
She wants it out anyway.
Usually this is done under local anaesthetic (ie, numbing just the skin where the incision is to be made and the lump removed.)
The anaesthetist asks the surgeon if she should have some light sedation- something like valium to make you relax.
Surgeon says yeh ok.
Fat lady has a violent reaction to this sedation and ends up vomiting so much that she perforates small vessels in her stomach.
Ends up bleeding so much her heart cannot get enough blood to supply itself so she ends up having a heart attack.
The part of the heart effected by the heart attack happens to be where the valve is, so ends up having open heart surgery to fix the valve.
Surgery took a long time, and with her poor health to begin with ended up with kidney damage.
Kidneys didn't recover, and she consequently needs life long haemodialysis. (Filtering the toxins and crap in her blood by machine to take the place of her poor functioning kidneys.) Haemodialysis takes about 4-5 hours a session and depending on how bad the kidneys are, people might need haemodialysis daily. (4-5 hours per day is a long time considering transport to and from the hosptial which is only open business hours for dialysis..)
For this to happen she needs vein access which is difficult because of her size!
Multiple attempts throughout the following months ensue.
So i saw her for removal and re-fitting of a new permanent vascular access site for dialysis, as the old one had got infected.

So, all of this happened because of a decision to cut out a harmless lump of fat.
The patient's fault?
The surgeon's fault?
The anaesthetist's fault?
Fate??!

2009-04-13T09:51:00.003+09:30

I've been noted to be in a pessimistic cloud recently.. more so than usual. I'm even out-cynic-ing weathered senior colleagues at work. Which is a big thing since they have gone through years of thankless patients, long hours at work with little financial gain, and the constant battle of the hospital hierarchy. I'm just a pleb- barely 18 months in clinical practice. I shouldn't be like this- rather fresh faced and bright eyed, with the only reward for my work, the knowledge that I've contributed to healing a fellow human being (Who may or may not be onwards towards the next St Mary MacKillop).

Why is this happening?
I've thought about this quite a lot recently.
I've blamed my IT background and the fact that I've had to deal with inter office politics, absurd dead lines, working late producing a work of art that no one reads (aka documentation). Perhaps that has made me cynical and once you are there's no going back? But surely it's pessimistic to think that once you've engaged in the black humours, there's no going back?

I've also thought it was because a few of my friends (and myself) have had unfortunate events occur to them. All (typical, it seems) relationship woes- All ending in heartbreak and tragedy.
It doesn't make me optimistic hearing stories of break up, cheating partners, general relationship uncertainties, unrequited love..

Then I've thought it might be the fact that I've got no idea what I want to be when I've grown up. Unlike all other degrees, graduating from medicine means not very much. It gives you the licence to work in a hospital as a junior. To be a specialist, whether it's GP, Psychiatry, Cardiology, Surgery, anaesthetics.. it all required at least 4 to 7 years of extra training including exams.
And I constantly think, the sooner I know what I want to do, the sooner I can start on this training and the sooner I can work my way to being someone.
But no, I have no ideas about what I want and hence in a bit of a limbo which may be contributing to my pessimism especially when most people around me know what they want to be.

And then I've thought that I'm just perverse and enjoy black humour in the first place, and find quite a lot of humour in the misfortunes- intentional or otherwise- of others. (And in hospital, lets face it, there's a lot of ammo for my sarcastic remarks, from various objects 'accidentally' placed in orifices they shouldn't be in, to drunken stupidity causing gross wastage of resources.)

I've recently finished reading The Count of Monte Cristo, and at the end of his intricate planning, and vengeance against those who did him wrong, the Count learns a lesson himself. That there is such a thing as a second chance; That there is reason to be optimistic and hopeful. People can pull you out of blind alleys if you let them. If only you just looked at the whole picture instead of the blinkered path you're used to seeing.

It's a hard manoeuvre, broadening your depth of perspective, but I don't want to be one of those angry, jaded doctors around work that eventually becomes an angry, jaded person full stop. So I guess despite my pessimism, I am a little(!) hopeful for the future.

2009-01-19T11:58:00.002+10:30

So lazy.
I've today off accidentally due to the hospital's travel agent telling me my flight was on Sunday, when really my flight was on Saturday! (I was supposed to work in Wagga for 1 week.)
Anyways, I'm not so disappointed really.

It's officially the start of my second year of being a doctor- Now i ditch the term 'intern' and call myself a 'resident'.
What does that mean?
Well, nothing except that I'm no longer the very bottom of the hospital ladder.

Looking back on my internship, i've thought that it wasn't all bad.
For one, the lessons in life and work, I've learnt.
(Always wear gloves, try to smile, gossip always returns to bite you in the gluteus medius, don't date people who have just come out of a 9 year relationship, try to be generous, a life balance between work and hobbies will keep you sane.. )
The people I've met.
(The wonderful other junior doctors I've worked with, Tim my mo, friends through friends..)
And of course, my friends who still welcome me despite the fact that I've been generally unsociable during the year.
(Daphne my crazy friend in Adelaide, Mel and caz, matt and JP in Melbourne. Aaron dropped by from SA, and even Mandi visited from Alice Springs!)

However, I'm still rather clueless as to what I want to do with my life..
And Brett, my housemate has decided that he's moving out!

Here's to this year, being eventful, exciting, and filled with new experiences to keep me on my toes.

In the words of a friend who is sadly going back to London- "It's not a bad life really.."

2009-01-07T17:56:00.002+10:30

Welcome to the new year.
My resolutions this year... well, to be less temperamental, to be more at peace within myself, and to be more optimistic.

Let's see if that will happen. Optimism!

2008-11-07T18:27:00.003+10:30

It's funny how you remember certain moments in your life with perfect clarity. And there's really no impetus for these moments to stick. They are not momentus. Usually random decisions made on a whim. I guess it's a combination of people, place and thought.
One such example is during my first year of university. I was asked by 2 guys from the year above to accompany them to King's comics in the city. So, without prior knowledge of their personality (aside from knowing that they were both in a relationship with others.. ) I said yes and caught a bus to the comic store.
I remember them both saying that it was slightly strange that I should say yes to their proposal considering that i was a vulnerable girl in first year. And that I didn't really know them. I guess I could feel that they were both good people.

2008-10-26T20:21:00.005+10:30

Sometimes I think I am a pathological liar.
Lies just roll of my tongue.

I should play poker...

In other news, this man indeed was as humble as the media portrays. I didn't know I was treating the last surviving prince of Russia until a friend at his bedside told me his title. Rest in peace.

2008-10-26T18:01:00.002+10:30

I haven't been able to get to sleep of late.
And I usually don't have nightmares, but last night I dreamt that I'd lost patches of hair, and that my skin was peeling off!
Hmm...

I'm a bit of a pessimist- which doesn't help in terms of my social life. Going to events is a bit of a debacle in that I think the worst about the night- I'll be the one noone talks to, minding the coats..
It never ends up like that, but the same scenario plays through my mind before each outing. I force myself to go, and usually I end up enjoying myself (and/or getting drunk on 2 standard drinks..)

Yesterday, I went to Dave's birthday, with people I haven't seen in literally years.
It was fantastic! It was a dress up party, and though noone knew who Lily Allen was, I was glad that at the end of the night my feet were not aching due to my fancy sneakers in place of heels.
About 100 people came, which I thought was a lot. Though I think Dave was disappointed with the turn out seeing as though 200 people RSVPed.
So, perhaps I'm not the only one with a social phobia?
Or perhaps people are getting lazy in their old age?

2008-10-12T15:13:00.002+10:30

So, I thought that i'd let you know about the kind of presentations we get in our emergency department:

* Male pattern baldness:
A 28 year old non-drug effected male attends our emergency complaining that he has a receeding hair line and is going bald for about 5 years.
I ask him why he chooses to turn up on a Sunday afternoon.. He said that he was "in the area" and should get someone to check his hair out before too late.
I think to myself.. "idiot"
I say to him, check out Ashley and Martin. Or Advanced Hair.. yeh yeh!

* Bugs in various facial orifices:
A 50-something year old woman attends the hospital with her husband complaining of waking up and finding bugs in her mouth, nose, hair and ears. (She brings tiny black guys in specimen containers to show me.. To prove that she's not delusional I guess.)
Her main concern is that the bugs are growing inside of her a la the Alien movies.
I ask her a few questions, and eventually ascertain that she has been sleeping in an infested matress- for at least a week!
I think to myself.. "idiot"
I say to her and her husband that she should dispose of the matress, spray the room with insecticide, clean her clothes and have a shower.
Another happy customer.

Sometimes ANYONE can be a doctor.. and that's proof.

2008-08-31T16:44:00.002+09:30

It's been a while since i've blogged.

Nothings really changed.

Work is work.
In between is sleeping and eating.

Events are loosely speckled amongst the routine.

The latest was Splendor in the Grass at Byron Bay. What a brilliant set of 4 days. The drive away from Sydney, the music, the atmosphere, the slow drive back and a pie for lunch.
The highlights were Sigur Ros, whose ethereal music echoed throughout the main tent.. Polyphonic spree and their manic brand of happy (and their version of Nirvana's lithium which induced a similar euphoric mosh amongst us revelers).. and possibly installing dreadlocks on a horse's head.

I wonder if this is life after study?
And if so, I need to find some motivation to get me through work. I feel like I should be studying. A am keen to attend classes again and complete homework.
Just 8 months ago I was desperate to begin work and leave study.
What's wrong?
Will I achieve a happy medium?

2008-07-19T14:42:00.002+09:30

It's world youth week and I was in the city with some girlfriends for dinner.
The city has never been so full of kids being kids. Running amuck, with giant flags and yelling at the top of their lungs..
Some spontaneously bursting out in dance (I think they were waving Spanish flags.. On a side note, I realised how ignorant I am about geography and flags!), salsa-ing with fellow random pilgrims.
I must admit i was swept along with the crowds, and with my trio of girlfriends we bopped along too, and for a second let their youthful enthusiasm engulf us.
It's a great vibe, and I was thinking that it was unfair that some people had to ruin that by handing out condoms to these kids. They should be making their political message in other means, and not to 13 year olds who are here having a good time.

On another aside, I need to be less blunt, more patient and less... weird...
It's going to be hard.

2008-05-26T15:23:00.002+09:30

So 3 more weeks until the end of this round of shift work.
It's turned out to be tiring.

Disgruntled. Angsty. Angry. Tired. Not-so-subtle. I've been called and have called myself these names. Emergency makes you harder. Less centred on quality, and more quantity. Waiting lists, complaining patients, staff stress. You try your best, and yet from the patient's point of view, they have been waiting for hours. They don't know you haven't had lunch.

There has to be a better system.
Emergency has suddenly morphed into the golden triage, where medicine is not practiced. Only labeling patients into categories for other's to sort out.

Anyway, depressing thoughts aside.
I've got visitors soon!
Next week Caz and Ming.
It's going to be welcome relief from working.

2008-05-08T22:15:00.002+09:30

I've been asleep under a rock.
Obliviously.
This evening, apparently, I find out there's been a hurricane in Burma. Millions are missing. It's possibly the biggest news this year. This happened May 3rd. It is now 5 days later. Damn work.

Other news, (quite big news actually) - 2 of my cousins are engaged. Within 2 weeks of each other. One lives in sydney. The other in Brisbane. (So no, it wasn't rigged.)
I like weddings!

Today I had my wallet stolen. The awesome one from Etsy. I was sad.
Today I also found out I've has an unpaid traffic offense fine since July LAST YEAR. The damage is $570. Ouch.
Today I paid for dinner for my parents. Finally. After months of promising to take them out for dinner.
Today I had lunch with a stranger. Found out I am attracted to accents after all. =)

2008-04-19T23:41:00.002+09:30

I've been missing in action online.
No internet at home;
No access to *dare I say it* facebook at work,
Just email, and even then just for a few minutes before work.

Hmm.. life without the internet is strange. But strangely after 2 months 'unwired' I don't really miss it.

Looking back;
It is surprising how much time I spent in front of the monitor, and to create what??
A virtual life revolving around blogging, and reading other people's blogs. Reading the news. Looking at people's photos, artworks, creations.
I guess for that amount of time, I haven't anything to show for it now. Not like a written manuscript, or a creation of my own.

Intangible.
That's the word I'm looking for.
The internet in intangible.

Still, the useful aspects of the net are regrettable- bus timetables, internet banking, *rosters for my shifts at work*!

The internet does have it's place.

2008-01-28T12:57:00.000+10:30

Stumbled across this picture of my car after the trek from Sydney to Waikerie.
Gross hey? .. And a pain to clean!

Anyways, nothing really to say, except that I've successfully survived a week as a doctor.
Memorable moments included being called "Frail" by a 96 year old demented patient, Prescribing (incorrectly) potassium phosphate instead of potassium chloride.. (whoops), and being hauled around the hospital by a wanna-be-gay-maybe-gay-but-in-denial-severely-metrosexual doctor. Also survived a 14.5 hour shift this sunday, so it's all old hat from here right?
I doubt it, but that's why medicine is such a unique occupation- you can never predict what you'll be doing next.

Oh, and the hunt for a decent abode nearer the hospital continues..

2008-01-08T10:24:00.000+10:30

Conversation between myself and my 2 cousins, Steven aged 10 and Josh 12ish..
Me:[spies a nintendo DS] Hey Steven, what game are you playing?
Steven: It's called Pokemon..
Me: Oh, I used to play that.. I was a master pokemon trainer, and all my pokemon were level 90!
Steven & Josh: Really! ..
Steven: Can we link up?
Me: Huh?
Steven: Can you show me your pokemon?
Me: Umm.. I played maybe 7 years ago.. and it was on the original game boy. (Actually, it was on the computer, but that would take too long to explain..)
Steven: What do you mean original game boy? Mine's original!
Josh: I think she means the game boy colour.
Me: No, it was black and white..
Steven: You mean the DS?
Me: No... It had a screen this big, and had a cross and an A and B button..
Josh: Yeh! And it was really big and chunky..
Me: YEH!
Josh: [whispers to Steven] I think it was the game boy colour.
Me: No! It was out before you were both born! Look it up!

....

Steven: [To Josh] Do you want to link up?

Bah, I can't believe I'm this old.

2008-01-02T13:59:00.000+10:30

Nothing says Christmas, and then New Year than mountains of left over food.. with the pièce de résistance being mother's baked ham..

2007-12-27T23:50:00.000+10:30

"If this is the right decision, then why am I crying myself to sleep?", I find myself asking.

I'm back in Sydney now, permanently it seems after 4 years living in Adelaide studying.
I feel strange. Everyone is the same, yet different, and I think I know why. I've changed a lot. And Perhaps I've held onto perceptions of people and family, and built and embellished upon truths such that when I'm back I've got these expectations of everyone, which noone really fulfills. In any case, I'm left thinking that perhaps it's just me that has to change these notions.

But it's tricky, because that is part of the reason why I decided to come back to Sydney in the first place. I thought that friends and family were important enough to move for. And it's hard to take when they perhaps don't realise that themselves. I'm talking about my brother here. I guess it's because he hasn't had to live away from home, or even live independently from my parents. I just hope one day he appreciates me as a sister.

As for friends, they've all changed in their own way, at their own pace. I just have to take the time to get to know them again.

I feel sad that I've lost contact with so many friends in Sydney.
And also that I'll not have the luxury of seeing the friends I made in Adelaide.

But I'm not just anxiously rethinking my decision to move back because of friends and family. It's the added stress of finding a place in the city nearby the hospital. The confusion about whether to rent of buy. To live alone, with friends, or with strangers. In which suburb to live in. Public transport. Debts. Insurance. Feeling guilty about borrowing money and other things. And feeling like it's all hopeless. Needing to talk to someone about it. And trying to re-establish my independence- what I had when I was in control in Adelaide.
And there's also the pressure about starting a job in hospital with no idea how the NSW health system runs compared to SA.

Perhaps I was looking at my life in Sydney in rose coloured glasses. But I've made my decision, and now I have to push on.
We'll see what the new year brings.
I'm in need of some optimism.

2007-12-11T17:44:00.000+10:30

And it's the end of this era of study..
I'm looking forward to picking up my hobbies again, though, I desperately hope that my drawing skills and imagination are still in tact. It seems as though i've lost my spontaneous habit of doodling, which is a ominous sign.

And it's the end of this life in Adelaide.
Moving back to Sydney for another round of meet and greet at my new job. Perhaps I'll meet some new exciting people? New characters? Perhaps i'll feel compelled to return to Adelaide in the future? Who knows?

I've spent the past week in Melbourne after my (terrible, boring, tedious, dreary..) placement in Mt Gambier. It was a fantastic time, idling around the city, catching the tram like a true melbournite, taking pictures of street graffiti.. I met some fantastic people- Caught up with Caz after 2 years, and met her significant. It's funny how you meet people and you just seem to click. Knowing people like that makes me not so cynical about people in general.

Anyways, now i'm tying up loose ends in Adelaide.
I think I'm ready to move on.
I'm hopeful for the next step.

2007-11-20T23:20:00.000+10:30

Hmm.. reading back on past entries.. it's like reading through a chronically depressed person's scattered thoughts. Apologies.
Perhaps it's just because I'm getting antsy living here in Mt Gambier.
Maybe it's because i'm waiting for next year to start?

Anyways, today I received an email which weirded me out... Apparently some editor of Schmap wants to use a photo i posted on Flickr depicting Cambridge.
Hmmmm... No money though.. just the knowledge that my photo is going to be used in a free publication about traveling to Cambridge.
Why weirded out? Well... it's a crappy picture! Well... not crappy.. but definitely not one of my best.

Secondly, on the weekend, I went to my first race day. It was in Dunkald, a Victorian small town on the boarder of Victoria and SA. Apparently this Dunkald Cup is quite popular.. Anyways, with nothing really to wear to the races, I had to borrow a dress from my housemate's girlfriend. It turned out to be a jolly day. Lost a huge $3 though. Damn horse 6!!
My friend (an american cowboy) commented at the end of the day saying that he doesn't understand Australian men. All the women get dressed up and make an effort with dresses and hats and things, while the guys all look like they could be at an afternoon bbq.
He admitted that he liked putting out his nice things- he managed to pull out a set of tails! (And was immediately swarmed on by his girlfriend plus others.)
But I was thinking... Australian culture doesn't really have a traditional dress code. Not like the germans with their Dirndl.. or English with their tuxedos..
Sometimes not having a root heritage is sad.
I guess this just made me appreciate mine a bit more.. despite being 5th generation Australian. At least I know my roots.

2007-11-05T19:27:00.000+10:30

Ok.
My birthday came and went. It was a non-event.
Mostly because I don't have a current address. And I'm in Mount Gambier.

And by non- event, I mean non-event. No singing, cake, presents, cards...No rowdy party. No alcohol. Not even any chocolate.
But it was ok.

I guess I'm just getting old.

Anyways, today I learnt a valuable lesson. All surgeons are surgeons. They have the same personality. The same selfish desire to edge themselves higher up the medical foodchain.

The reason why I hate surgeons and their personalities is because I could never be like that. I'm not THAT kind of outgoing. But what is frustrating, is that I know that I have the skills to be a surgeon.
I wonder how many other people get put off a career path because of the people already in it?

2007-10-20T19:48:00.000+09:30

I think my parents said it best when they wrote me an email titled Slow haul homebound.
I'm back in Australia, after 2 days in Singapore.
Sydney is exactly how I remembered it. Urban sprawl. Wide roads. Space!
You don't appreciate the space until you have been to London or Singapore.
Space is valued because there isn't much of it.

Here, it's everywhere.

And phase 28 of my return trip ends with a 7 hour bus trip to the middle of nowhere.
The time it takes to fly from Singapore to Sydney.

Mmmmm.. Damn space..

2007-10-15T09:27:00.000+09:30

Last 12 hours in London.

Tomorrow Singapore.

3 days later Sydney.

2 days later Adelaide.

I'm tired.

But it's been an awesome experience travelling on my own.

And there is stingray to come.

2007-10-12T23:30:00.000+09:30

Spent 11 days in Germany, wandered (via the efficient germany rail system, despite it's strikes..) from Salzberg (ok ok while not technically in Germany, it's pretty damn close) to Rosenheim, Bad Aibling and Munich, to Nuremberg and Erlangen, Bamburg, then Berlin.
It was a hectic few days, but since my last european trip left most of Germany ungraced by my presence, I've had it in mind to travel through Germany.. That, and the fact that it's presence in modern history is infamous.
So I was lucky to have stayed with some friends along the way- Veronika the speech pathologist, and Gabi the doctor. Both I had met in Adelaide this year!

All I can say, is that I wish I had studied German. The people were friendly, the fresh produce was awesome (especially after England.. ) and the cities diverse and culturally alive.

This photo is from Nuremburg.

2007-09-27T00:32:00.000+09:30

Well, it's been a while since I've updated this blog.
I'm getting ready for a trip to Belfast this coming weekend, and then a trip to Germany.
My travelling schedule is quite nuts- mostly because these trips have been last minute, and also because the cheaper flights are at times when normal people should be sleeping. My flight to Belfast arrives at 23:00.

Hmm.. Cambridge is the usual. Last week was the highlight of the elective, when an anaesthetist allowed me to do a spinal anaesthetic. Although this sounds horrible and difficult, it wasn't really... Maybe i'm getting desensitised to things in the medical world.. Actually, the one thing i was shuddering at was a clamp that was used to position a person's head during surgery. The ends looked like steal pencils, and were screwed into the patient's head. Talk about headache inducing.

Coming to the end of my elective in Cambridge. It's quite a beautiful town really.
On the weekend, went punting on the Cam and was quite pleased that i didn't fall in. My arms hurt for days afterwards though.
(For those not in the know.. punting is a form of (neolithic) rowing whereby someone decided that it would be great propelling the boat forward with a long wooden stick whilst standing up at the end of the boat. Madness.)

Oh, and this is perhaps the best photo i've taken! It's of 2 punts on the Cam towards Grandchester in Cambridge.

2007-08-21T00:54:00.000+09:30

Well, here I am in Cambridge. City of scholar apparently. And bicycles. Lots of bicycles!

I feel like I'm back in school, shadowing doctors and desperately trying to orientate myself to a huge maze-like, ventilation deficient, concrete mass that is Addenbrooke's Hospital.

About my trip so far- Singapore (the 5 hours that i spent in transit) was great! I was shown the sights (including an elephant temple) and restaurants amidst the 35 degree humidity.

The trip to London was as good as it could be with dinner served at 11pm (Singapore time) and then breakfast at 2am (British time).. Then arriving at 5AM, because apparently we were ahead of schedule.
Met with Laura and she kindly took pity on my enormous bags under my eyes and shouted me a coffee. For the 4 or 5 days i spent in London with Michelle (my cuz) I battled the crowds in the tube, saw the tate modern (finally!), an awesome exhibition by Antony Gormley and generally explored the city. My feet were aching by 4pm each day! The highlight (or low light) was the 13p bagels I found in the East side of the city! Bargain!
I also saw a musical on famous the West End - The complete works of Shakespeare Abridged.
With my culture levels sky high, Laura, Tom and I organised a brief trip to Edinburgh- where the Edinburgh festival is currently in full swing. Lots of shows, and more culture... Apparently the Scots have a long history of battles, with everyone!

The rain and grey skies greeted me on arrival in Cambridge. Not much flooding though.

Meanwhile, I shall have to get used to paying $15 for a meal. My heart just can't take the shock every time i convert things back to AUD. ($18 for a burger king meal.. You've got to be JOKING!)

2007-07-24T19:02:00.000+09:30

The walls are closing in on me making (yet another*) life changing decision..
To stay or to go??
I've got 2 job offers next year- one in Adelaide, one in Sydney.
Now, which am i supposed to pick??

... While I don't call Adelaide home, I am unsure whether I call Sydney home either. I'm living the life of a gypsy, really! I haven't lived in the same place for more than 7 months i suspect.
Moving back to Sydney would be another huge move, which i'm hoping will be somewhat permanent. (By somewhat permanent, I mean more than 12 months!)
But here in Adelaide, I've enjoyed my independent freedom, met some awesome people and hung out with friends who I will miss if i were to leave.
Hmm.. Decisions..

* Yup, Exaggerating .. or perhaps not

2007-07-19T21:34:00.000+09:30

Packing packing..
You'd think i'd be used to it by now, after 3 and a bit years of gypsy-like moving.

Kinda stressed.. An assignment that I should be handing in in 2 weeks is barely done.

But anyways, an ethical situation occurred in the hospital i'm at.
I was seeing a patient who was visiting his daughter from China. So he spoke no english.
Anyway, he presented to hospital because of vomiting and central abdominal pain.
History and examination later, the consultant and I thought that an abdominal xray would be useful to rule out anything serious. (We were worried about a bowel obstruction, but this diagnosis wasn't the most probable, but the most dangerous in a way..)
Turns out that he didn't have proper medical insurance and couldn't afford the xray, let alone the treatment if necessary.

Scratching out heads, the doc and I came to the conclusion that we would get the xray, and it would probably show nothing and then we could send him home. Calling the Xray people, turns out an abdominal xray is $96!! (Which the patient couldn't pay.)

What would you do??

Well, the doc made a couple of phone calls and managed to organise free treatment for this unfortunate man.

Murphy's law came into play, because turns out that the xrays showed that he had a small bowel obstruction!
Which required a further abdominal CT and surgical consult with a possible operation.
Hmmmmm..

Again, a few more phone calls later, and the hospital would take care of all expenses.

It made me aware of how often we order (and how often patients expect) investigations and tests. A common blood test alone costs the state government about $50! An abdominal CT is in the thousands of dollars..
And this is all 'free' due to our medicare system. It's good to hear about the positives of our system sometimes. It's a shame it's taken for granted by so many (including me) though.

2007-06-27T22:52:00.000+09:30

Today out of the blue, I received a call from the associate professor of psychiatry..
Ages ago now, maybe 2 months ago, I left a copy of my audit on 'treatment of amphetamine induced psychosis in emergency departments' with his secretary. I never thought that he would read it.

So he rang, and proceeded to give me feedback, quoting page numbers and paragraphs. He then asked if he could use my research in a presentation he was giving to other Department of Health bigwigs. -With my permission of course!

He then said that my audit is worth publishing in journal!

It would be a lot of work, in a small amount of time..
But I've never had anything published before.. (Aside from that clichéd short story i wrote in year 10 about a boy suiciding by drowning himself.)

So, after a week of being emotionally confused and physically sick, I'm excited! *dances*

2007-06-14T22:30:00.000+09:30

Yay! For once people are visiting me!
Ed and Phil are driving down to visit me amongst other adventures..
My coz Amy is around this weekend too!

Bizarre. After 3 years of noone, then people!
*Feels loved*

On a random side note, today at the hospital i was taking blood and putting in a drip in a little old polish lady of about 80-something years old. Her 90-something year old husband was with her as a translator because she couldn't speak much english.
Anyways, I noticed as i glanced at her feet, that there were nude women on the back of a magazine. I took a second glance and noticed hyper-coloured text that went along the lines of.. "Call 1800-ADULTFUN"

... Errr i thought to myself..

I *subtly* lifted up the magazine to confirm my suspicions.
Yep.
Porn.
What are a 80 and 90 something year old polish couple doing with porn IN HOSPITAL?
I'm hoping that they were confused when they went to a newsagent. And the newsagent had a sick sense of humour. The other option is too freaky to contemplate.

2007-05-22T19:51:00.000+09:30

I just completed a CPR and advanced life support assessment..
During, my heart was racing, I was worried about the patient (a simulation mannequin), and stressing about what I was missing, or what I should be doing instead. It's amazing how realistic things are when you are 'in the moment'.

To be honest, I didn't think I would get this far- Giving orders and taking charge in an emergency situation where someone's - real or pretend- life is in your hands is a frikken nerve wrecking experience. Half way through the second round of CPR, I wanted to shout 'Live damnnit LIVE!' But i was too tired pounding on the patient's chest doing compressions, and counting up to 30. I hardly had time to think.

This time, I managed to revive the patient after what seemed like forever doing chest compressions. Statistics for CPR success is somewhat more pessimistic- about 0.5% are successfully revived.

Anyways, right now, i'm revelling in my win.

2007-05-10T23:19:00.000+09:30

Fraud!
I feel like a fraud..

When i was admitting a patient, the patient's nurse came in to do her part of the usual 20 questions one would get asked when in hospital. She came up to question number 10- Name of treating doctor.
She turned to me and said.. so what's your name? Low... L-O-W-E? No, just L-O-W. Dr Low.
Hmm.. I didn't correct her.

Part way through listening to the patient's chest, the same nurse said to me. "Dr, Make sure you get a palliative care referral." Again, I didn't correct her.

Now i feel really really guilty.
Like a fraud.
I hope i don't burn s-l-o-w-l-y and p-a-i-n-f-u-l-l-y in hell.

Like i said, REALLY guilty.

2007-04-28T17:11:00.000+09:30

Last week of ophthalmology, and I've realised that there's only 2 terms left before i'm supposed to be in London!

The term has been great! Surprising! Fun?! (Oh yes!.. fun!)
Great because the consultants and Registrars are so helpful and welcoming.. The nurses say hi to you when you come in in the morning.. They aren't afraid to have me actually DO things..
Surprising because there's a great link between clinical and lab staff. They place quite a bit of emphasis on research and take pride in their own research projects as well as their collegues. Just last week i was talking the "the professor". (yep, he is a professor.. but i've yet to determine what makes you a professor..) I was asking him if he was going to be doing any corneal grafts so i could watch. He said no... but he did say he was doing some on sheep! So last thursday i got to see 2 sheep have a corneal graft each as part of a phd research project.
It was strange seeing an animal in an operating theatre instead of the usual human.
Fun? Well.. seeing crazy eye symptoms, or attempting to see the signs using the plethora of lenses and microscopes is fun, if not a bit frustrating..

So right now, i have an uncanny itch to do some sort of research paper.. Is that strange?

P.s. as a side rant, i HATE it when people say (or text) "I'll ring you tomorrow" when they actually mean "I'm busy now and I'll see you when i see you."
Why can't they just say what they mean?! */Rant*

2007-04-22T13:44:00.000+09:30

Pies pies pies.. Gooey, brewy, Yummy, chewy, pies!
Uh.. or something along those lines.

2007-04-21T11:45:00.000+09:30

Hmm... 7 days ago, one of my longest-held friends was married. It was a beautiful day, and I guess a bit surreal at the time.
When you've known someone for 15 years or so.. (I've known her since year 3!) you're used to them being a kid. Young. Rash. Excitable. Running to school to get to assembly on time. And while the days of building tree houses and making friendship bands have been long gone, I guess the act of getting married cements the departure of childhood into adulthood.
I wondered if I'd ever make that step. Or find someone to haul me into true adulthood. Mature. Self assured. Driven towards a future.

That night I met up with a friend from my first uni degree. I think we're both in this transitional limbo, with uncertainty about our futures. Full of hypotheticals, possible pathways and self doubt.

We ended up playing with lego until 3am.

2007-03-26T20:53:00.000+09:30

As a doctor, you have to learn to ask questions which in other (social) situations may otherwise be somewhat of a faux pas...
Examples include:
"How old are you?... Really!"
"Have you ever thought about killing yourself?"
"Have you ever tried to kill yourself and how?"
"Do you take illicit drugs? Or have you ever taken illicit drugs?"
"Do you hear or see things that other people may not see/hear?"

Today in I learnt a new one...
"Are you in any way related to your partner?"

Yes, today a lebanese couple brought in their baby who had a congenital eye condition. Causes are usually inherited and genetic.
Turns out the parents were first cousins. (!)

*Oh yes! For once the photo is coincidentally related to the post!

2007-03-25T22:04:00.000+09:30

I friend who i've known since year 2 is getting married.
It's very exciting! She asked me to be her bridesmaid.. so this weekend i flew over the
sydney to try on the bridesmaid dress..
In total, i spent about 24 hours in sydney.
Now i know how business people feel.. jet-setting around the place for work. Only for a few hours/days at a time.
It's more tiring than it sounds. I spent the whole flight back sleeping. (And being periodically woken up by a sharp nudge courtesy of the old woman behind me.. Perhaps she has Huntingtons??)

Anyways, it's onto the next rotation tomorrow: It's opthalmology. *fingers crossed* it'll be good!

2007-03-12T18:30:00.000+10:30

Huzzah!
I like unexpected things/objects/events which suddenly spark a cascade of memories in that deep dark chasm which is my memory.
This photo is one i took during the last few days in Waikerie. In my backyard, I was continually getting swooped and chirped at by an angry father-to-be. At one stage, I couldn't hang up my clothes at that corner for fear of my life*.
Well... It wasn't my idea that you should build your little nest on a corner of my clothes line!

This is the picture of the nest and proud mother-to-be. The father was, if memory serves me correctly, swooping around my head dangerously close to clipping my ear.
The nest seems to be made from washing machine lint.. Stranger strange!

*Perhaps this may be an over exaggeration of the amount of danger my life was in.. But the bird was fierce!

2007-03-06T19:59:00.000+10:30

Life for me at this time evolves around going to hospital everyday- just like people go to work. However, instead of being paid in currency, I get paid in "experience".
So, my experience begins with sitting in traffic, of which is takes 10 mins to cross 40 meters of highway. Once past that, i arrive at the ward to be greeted by an scotsman with an jaunty- if not intelligible - broad accent, and a 6ft tall doctor, 2 helpful interns, and 2 unfortunate 3rd year medical students. At approximately 12 mins to 8, we go on a lightening ward round seeing 25 patients in 1 hour, throughly examining each and every patient of course!
Then I ask my interns what could i do to help? So the morning consists of taking blood, (I did my first ABG today), putting in intravenous drips, and occasionally chatting to patients who were confused about what the scotsman and giant mumbled during the ward round.
After that, usually i wander around to surgery, or to outpatient clinics, or just mill around the hospital trying to look busy.

Hmm.. where's the learning?
I guess it's learning about the everyday happenings in hospital. What an intern actually does.

You get to see some sights as well. Like ulcers as big as my head on the calf of a woman. Or seeing a leg amputated in surgery. Or helping a surgery trainee to do an unplanned full thickness skin graft.

I'm sure my next rotation will be different again. But I don't think I'll ever get rid of that distinct smell of pseudomonas* permeating through the ward from an infected ulcer.

*Smells like rancid fish mixed with sulfur.. Yewerpthhhh!

2007-03-01T14:51:00.000+10:30

No photo I'm afraid.
So uninspired and irritable lately.
Because of a number of things.

But lately, I'm beginning to think that maybe i have a personality disorder. Which is bad.
Or paranoia. Which is worse.

*breathe in*
I just HATE when people take things you do for them for granted. A thankyou wouldn't go astray. And when people are inconsiderate of others. Selfish. Gragh drives me mental!
*sigh*
It's all in the past.
Forget about it.

Perhaps it might be time to go back to Sydney after this year.
Change of scenary and all that?
Maybe i'm just running away.

2007-02-16T21:57:00.000+10:30

Ok.
I was bored and did this website dooby where you load a pic and it matches you up with celebrities you supposedly look like.... WTF! I look like Jesse Martin?!

Hey, don't answer that!

2007-02-13T22:02:00.000+10:30

I really know how to procrastinate- I've been doing nothing since 3pm today. And it's 10pm already.

Go here: Yes, HERE!!!!!
It's a fantastically nerdy, platform stage game-esque, Super COOL pixeled animation by Paul Robertson. Somewhat gory, Over the top, and oh, did i mention it has a pirate baby as the end boss? Look out for the Chung Li octopus. Loved the gag on channel 7. Bunch of zombies!

.....Today i was in theatre (yes, I've started my new term). And after a 2.5 hour operation in a poor patient's abdomen, the surgeon showed me how to use the staple gun to close the wound. Then he passed me the gun, and I had a go. Now, this surgeon told me something, maybe somewhat flippantly. He said, 'I've never seen a person do so well on their first go with this staple gun." ... "You should be a surgeon." .. "But then that's what they say everywhere don't they. If you're good at 'bagging and masking' then you should become an anesthetist."

Now, I think I'd be quite good at the practical aspect of surgery. But I don't think I'd be able to last in the training program. It's tough, there's a definate hierarchy, and of course there's a billion different ways of doing something, but there's only one RIGHT way- which differs according to who the surgeon teaching you is.
Plus I'm indecisive.
Not forthright.
Softly spoken. (sometimes)
Easily intimidated.

Sigh. If only i could just skip to the part where you operate all day, and forget about the actual training bit.

I feel the total opposite with psychiatry.
I'd be unsure if i could do CBT or other therapy sessions with patients as a psychiatrist. But I'd be able to handle inpatient management and things a psychiatrist-in-training would do.

I dunno. Choices.
HELP!!!!

2007-02-07T20:22:00.000+10:30

There are 2 days left of psych.. and i move onto vascular.
I've really enjoyed psych, and the variety of presentations of different patients. Of course, it helps that the psychiatrists are very helpful in terms of teaching and guidance.

A friend emailed me this article entitled: Phenotypic differences between male physicians, surgeons, and film stars: A Comparative Study.
It got me thinking... how are psychiatrists in the scheme of things? Not really hands on like surgeons, but very structured (believe it or not) in terms of how they assess a person. They are constantly updating information about latest theories and best practice management of psychiatric conditions, but aren’t considered physicians.
Hhmmm… I’ve been called a Quack by an ED doc, jokingly… Made me laugh!

The bottom line is that the people presenting with psychiatric illness’ are ill, and deserve to be treated, just like people from medical illness’.

In other news, 9 weeks until Erica and John’s wedding.
Excitement!

7 weeks until I go back to Sydney for dress fittings.

4 week until the Festivals start- Womadelaide, The Fringe Festival and the Adelaide Festival.. Wonder why they all happen at once? Suddenly, it’s like the population of Adelaide triples over the month or so that it occurs. It’s then that I’m reminded of Sydney.. Come visit me then! And witness the chaos!

1 week until rent is due.
=p Yup. Unrelated.

2007-01-28T11:39:00.000+10:30

Transference is a term in psychiatry that basically means how you feel based upon how the person you are talking to feels. That is, picking up the 'vibes' from the person you are talking to. Freud originally explained this phenomena by saying the person is unconsciously channelling a past event or relationship towards this new interaction.

It's something that I've been told to pick up on, and I have during my term in psychiatry. My register mentor said that you could often diagnose someone based on your reaction after interviewing them. If you feel depressed after an interview, the person is probably depressed; if you feel racy and energetic, the person is manic; if you feel confused, the person is psychotic; if you feel annoyed, the person has borderline personality disorder. And although this seems very superficial- basing a diagnosis on how you feel- it works!

I've felt so low almost to the point of tears, after talking to a depressed patient.
I've felt confused, mystified (and somewhat cautious) when talking to a psychotic patient. (I asked him why he was in hospital, and he said, "Because I was going to kill John Howard. That's all. He greased my backside. Agents told him to...")

And although it's often stigmatised, mental illness is a biological illness. Well, mental illness is the combination of a biological fault, with an upbringing that doesn't teach you adequate coping strategies. And sometimes, genetic predisposition and life circumstance plays a part as well.

On a tangent, John and Josh drove to Adelaide from Sydney yesterday! And are enjoying the throbbing city life of this city. I'm much impressed- They drove from 5am to 9pm to make it here in a day. I took 2 days, and didn't want to drive for a week afterwards.

2007-01-14T18:12:00.000+10:30

New years resolution...
I usually don't have one, but this year is different.
I've been told that I've got to talk louder, so I'll endevour to crank up the volume.
I've been told that I should be less passive, so I'll try be more assertive and decisive.
I've been told myself that I should explore new things, so I'll try to leave my square.

Lets see how it goes!

2007-01-05T23:41:00.000+10:30

First week back.
It's weird- I'm seeing people around the place, but not consistently. And i'm mostly hanging around a RMO(3rd year grad) who's teaching me the ropes of psychiatry.

I'm also paranoid that i'm losing my ability to communicate properly. My grammar and proper english structure is rapidly deteriorating. I wonder if that's because i'm trying to stuff information in and other - important- information is being deleted... much like hard drive memory.. When something needs to be saved, but the memory's full, something older must go instead.
It could be because I'm not as confident about my ability as i used to be.
Sometimes I feel like i'm full of self doubt that there's not much point in me being here.
Part of medicine in the facade of confidence.

I don't know.

But on the plus side- I have made it though third year medicine, and have just this year until i've completed my second degree. (And am in the workforce , not relying on John Howard and my parents to fund my life.)

In other news, Erica and John are engaged and are getting married in April!
And they have asked me to be their bridesmaid, along with John's sister and Susan. I'm very excited! She's the first of my friends to get married... Kinda makes me feel like i should get on with my life.. I'm envious that they've found each other and suit each other so perfectly. Certainly, I hope to find someone who complements me like they do. *Sigh* But I'm looking forward to the celebration and helping them celebrate this step in their relationship!!
Weddings are always such a happy occasion!

=)

2006-12-12T11:59:00.000+10:30

Holidays are here. I'm back in Sydney until sometime after christmas, which leaves me with the longest holiday period for at least 2 years.. 3.5 weeks!
Still, I'm feeling rather down about the fact that i'm still in uni, thus am supposed to be given regular uni breaks- ie, 6 weeks! (Or more depending on the uni and course i gather)
And the fact that term starts on the 2nd of January. That's right.. the SECOND of Jan. The day after New Years..
Which leaves me with the dilemma of spending NYE here in Sydney, or going back to Adelaide..
Several factors which influence my decision are floating through my mind. I don't have accomodation next year and still have to find something. I want to prolong my return to Adelaide because next year i'll have no holidays basically.. (boo hiss!) Aside from a 6 week vacation block.
Hmmm... decisions.

So, I've spent my holidays so far being sick with some sort of food poisoning, battling with crowds (or maybe just the usual mob) trying in vain to buy christmas presents, and catching up with a few people whom i haven't seen in months.

So far I've seen Erica, who is engaged and is frantically planning her wedding in April. I've never seen her so stressed before! It's unbelievable actually..
Ed and Phil. It was great hanging out with both of them, kinda reminded me of the old days of IT.. except that most of the conversation was about future plans, and work, and Ed's horrible week at work entertaining chinese head dudes.
Met up with Ian as well for lunch. Except by that stage, I had a headache from walking around in the sun and being poked in the eye by the Myer makeup people. Still, it was a good lunch, and he's still the same as when i last saw him... but with different hair..and pink bracelets..
And next Saturday there's a pre-christmas cuz shindig which should be good. Strictly no adults invited! is the motto. Very tongue in cheek because the average age of the cousins would be around the 30s.

Anyways, I guess there's still Christmas shopping left to do, and more catching up.
A strange though occured to me that as i spend each year away, the number of people i see becomes less and less. I wonder if there will be a point where i'll have noone to catch up with? It's just hard keeping in touch with people. Harder still when there's so much difference in the worlds each of us live in, profession-wise as well as location.

2006-11-26T16:21:00.000+10:30

Today, I was frantically in the middle of my annual packing.. Getting ready for my annual moving.. When i stumbled across a shirt that I had NEVER worn this year. I had wanted this shirt for ages- months and months last year, before finally putting my misery to rest and purchasing the shirt.

It's weird.. I wondered, what makes us have that insatiable desire for something in a shop?

Anyways, what makes us want something so badly when we see it or think of it? Hmmm... It's happened before too- I had a desire for a black non-woolen autumnish coat that was 3/4 length that i could wear on top of normal clothes. And i found one, for a ridiculous price, which i paid for. (After consultation with an aunty who happened to work near the shop's vicinity.)

And again, i haven't worn it AT ALL this year or last year! In fact, I think i've only ever worn it 2 maybe 3 times.

Am i the only one like this? I hope not.

Perhaps I should just come to terms with spending money on things i just won't wear.
And forget the angst of indecision..

2006-11-25T09:57:00.000+10:30

I feel like i'm in limbo.
After the aftermath.
And other such poetic sayings... still doesn't get rid of that weird waiting feeling.

2006-11-02T19:01:00.000+10:30

I wish i was there.
And 10 years old.

2006-10-23T22:11:00.000+09:30

I'm a pessimistic person by nature...
And i'm used to people saying to me when i'm negative about exams and things, 'You'll be fine. You're great! You're awesome! So don't stress! etc etc etc'

And i'm semi-reassured. And semi- shrug their comments away.

But recently, someone who i quite respect and who i thought knew me, told me that i'm not okay. I'm not ready for exams. I'm going to barely pass, if lucky.

So what does a pessimistic person say to that??

I don't know.
I must admit my ego is quite non-existant atm.

2006-10-20T15:05:00.000+09:30

Thoughts that make me laugh..

While in theatre, performing an abdominal laparoscopy the surgeon said (half to himself half to the medical student),
"Ahh...
so there's the sigmoid colon there...
Old man sigmoid....
Sigmund.."

An Incoming transmission from Ambos to us(the hospital)
A>Incoming..
H>This is hospital receiving..
A>Yeh, hi. We have a 57 year old woman who had chest pain, was in VT, was given midazolam and defibrillated with 100J which returned her into sinus rhythm. We are 10mins from the hospital. Over.
H>Ok. Thanks.
Nurses look at me. I look blankly and thing *oh crap* as well as *How exciting*

30 minutes pass... still waiting for the ambulance in casulty.
One of the doctors walks in.
"Don't worry, the ambulance will be here in another 10 mins. They've had to change a tyre"
Chorus of Doctors, nurses and myself: "WHAT?!?!?!!?!!!"
Doctor chuckles..
"Only kidding"

45 minutes pass.... Casulty is a bit crowded with 3 doctors, 2 nurses, and 1 medical student milling around. The ambulance finally arrives.
Anaesthetist runs out to the ambulance and then runs back in shouting,
"It's SOPHIE!"
Suddenly there's a mad scramble for the doors leaving the casulty doctor and I looking at each other blankly.
*Queue tumble weed*

Apparently she's a "frequent flyer". Well known to the doctors for being a perenial complainer and pain to treat. Hence the mass exodus.

They don't show that on ER. =)

2006-10-02T17:18:00.000+09:30

A quote from an old text book:

"The variety of foreign bodies which have found their way into the rectum is hardly less remarkable than the ingenuity displayed in their removal.

A turnip has been delivered per rectum by the use of obstetric forceps.

A stick firmly impacted has been withdrawn by inserting a gimlet into its lower end.

A tumbler, mouth downwards, has several times been extracted by filling the interior with a wet plaster of paris bandage, leaving the end of the bandage extrusing, and allowing the plaster to set."

Bailey and Love 1943, A Short Practice of Surgery.

=P

2006-09-26T21:14:00.000+09:30

There's a debacle which EVERYONE in the medical industry has a opinion about.. No it's not politics, music or religion.. it's pharmaceutical sponsorship of "things". These things has ranged from drug company pens to drug company money sponsored flights to the Swiss Alps for a lecture...

This year, I’ve been continually amazed at the kind of crap drug companies hand out.. (The best would have to be a gadget that looks like a pair of plastic pliers which lights up at the tip- apparently used for looking up people's noses)

The above is a pen which glows neon blue. Kinda kewl really. At least, photography wise. If it were a bit longer, it would give a lightsaber a run for it's money.

2006-09-16T10:30:00.000+09:30

I like this snap- kinda abstract, in a jeffery smart kind of way... but less creepy..

Oh yeh, and *stress*

2006-09-01T12:20:00.000+09:30

ARGH!
Stress!
ARGH!
Stress!
ARGH!
What was the treatment of GORD again? PPIs and lifestyle modifications.. stop smoking, lose weight- yeh, sif patients listen to what you say.. unless you threaten them with the c word- CANCER! Reflux can lead to esophageal cancer which can lead to you DYING, so lose weight. That's pretty harsh.
Man, i can't wait til this year is over.
I'll miss out on seeing my brother play at the local cafe.
I'm old. not really. just old enough to know that i'm getting old. Too old to be sponging off the government anyways. i need a job something productive and something that pays. so i can live without feeling guilty about people feeling sorry for me. ARGH!
No time to work. have to study... what's the formula for fluid replacement for a person with burns? 4mlsXweightX%surface area burnt in 24 hours... if it's a complicated burn.. if it's a simple burn then 3mlsXweightX%surface area.. plus maintenance fluid... 3L a day for an average 70kg person. AVERAGE! the whole concept of average is an approximation.. what about the person??

Didn't say anything about not being crazy....
Aren't you glad you're not me??

2006-08-15T19:13:00.000+09:30

Imagine being able to answer "I'm the only one in the world that can answer this question right now."

We had one of the doctors from the uni come up and give us a tutorial on neurology. One of the topics was epilepsy. After having been through the generalised epilepsies and their classification, one of us asked the professor, So why do generalised seizures occur??
A glint came into his eye, the corners of his lips tipped upwards, and, dare i say it, a few less creases in his face disappeared. He answered that he was the only person in the world who can give an answer to this question. As of February, his research group has discovered how and why generalised seizures occur.. and it was "the most exciting moment in his life".

Apparently, it's not the neurons which mysteriously set each other of and cause abnormal brain activity, but astrocytes- the cells which support and regulate the neuronal environment in order for nerve conduction to work properly! It's all to do with astrocyte foot processes swelling because of increased stimulation to the brain, which means that they are inundated with "neuronal mess" (so to speak...) to clear up. Once they have had enough, the astrocytes end up spewing up all sorts of neural transmitter chemicals which set off generalised seizures.

Just the look on his face when he was explaining his discovery was inspiring.
He just loves what he's doing, and where he is in life.
Inner happiness.

I wonder if i'll ever get there?
If what i'm doing is the right thing?
I want to get there, but i don't know how...

2006-08-10T17:06:00.000+09:30

Less than 3 months till the world ends.

..only kidding..

Less than 3 months till my end of year exams.

Less than 2 months till my brain goes into overload and i start catastrophising about how i'm going to DIE.

Less than 1 month till i walk around like the world is on my shoulders and internally *stressing*.

Now- I'm procrastinating.

2006-07-23T21:40:00.000+09:30

I was driving down the highway at 120km/hr at 5:50pm. It was nearing dusk. I turned around a bend and i saw this brilliant sunset facing me. So i had no choice but to get out of the car, run across the road to the nearby field, and take some pics.
Sometimes the scenery here is breathtaking.

Last week, one of the general surgeons took all of the students out on a houseboat for the weekend. It was a pretty relaxing 2 days- pity it was raining which tinted everything that miserable shade of grey. As we were chugging down the Murray River, we passed an flock of pelicans bobbing in the river. I've never seen so many pelicans before- so i took another picture. But sadly, the photo didn't do that moment justice.

Next week i might go gliding provided that the gliding club are flying and the weather is okay. It should be good! I wonder what it feels like to be in something in the sky with no motor?
Apparently the season to go gliding is during the summer, when there are warm currents which allow the glider to soar for hours. Perhaps if i make it through this time round, i'll come back when it's a bit warmer.

2006-07-13T23:29:00.000+09:30

I was at a friend's place, ages ago, and somehow the topic of schizophrenia was brought up.... They were writing a play, and thought that it would be good to have a character with schizophrenia (amongst others) because they could do "Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde" type gags.
I was kinda indignant about their understanding of schizophrenia.. especially since it is common, often disabling, condition. And despite the movie "A Beautiful Mind", people still think that it is a problem of split personalities.

And today, we had a practice exam where we had to explain to someone about schizophrenia in 5 minutes. Everything that i knew about schizophrenia disappeared, and i stumbled (somewhat painfully) around during that 5 minutes wishing that the knowledge would appear just as it had disappeared. I ended up failing that part of the exam..
So i decided to type what i know about schizophrenia here. Hopefully now it will stick!

Schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder which means that the person affected has disturbances in the way they think, speak and behave.
It is characterised by a number of different features, described as 'positive' or 'negative' symptoms:
Positive symptoms are: Delusions, Hallucinations (usually auditory), disorganised speech and behaviour.
Negative symptoms are: poverty of speech, flat facial expression, social withdrawl, flattened affect.
It is postulated that these symptoms are caused by an overload of dopamine (a neurotransmitter) in the brain.
It typically occurs in early adolescence, and affects males > females.

We dont' know really what causes schitzophrenia, but we do know that certain people are predisposed to it and certain triggers may push them over the edge. Eg, marijuana
Genetics may play a part in the predisposition of schizophrenia.

Treatment is by dopamine blocking agents- these are called anti-psychotics. They inhibit the activation of dopamine receptors. These drugs are fairly potent, but "Typical" antipsychoics have many side effects like Dystonia (muscle rigidity and spasm), Akathesia (motor restlessness) weight gain, Parkinsonian symptoms (Tremor, Rigidity, Akinesia/Bradykinesia, Postural insufficiency), muscarinic Receptor antagonism (dry mouth, dry eyes, urinary retension, constipation). "Atypical" antipsychotics have less side effects.

This is a common psychiatic disorder, with 1% of the population having schizophrenia. There are numerous social groups that are available to help those suffering from schizophrenia. Also, taking regular medication, avoiding stress, and specialist appointments with a psychiatrist and GP are recommended to help keep the schizophrenia under control and to help the person attain a normal life.

2006-07-11T14:25:00.000+09:30

Thought of the day... It's amazing how many cookies you eat when they're sitting there in front of you. Even the hard, crumbly, stale ones. I managed to eat 4 so far. That's pretty good when you consider they're days old.

On the weekend, the other students and i are going on a houseboat trip with the general surgeon and his wife (who is also a doctor). It's either going to be really fun or really weird.
Possibly a little from column A and a little from column B.
And to make it worse, the weather is getting down to a cool daily maximum of 9 over Saturday. I'll bring some matches and marshmellows.

2006-07-01T16:13:00.000+09:30

This is my 100th post on this blog..
Can you believe it?!
=)

It's raining outside.

This afternoon, I went and visited a little old Italian lady who lives just down the street. She was telling me how she has a new little black chicken running around her backyard.
"You seea-Julie, the lady who lives behind me, she had many chickens, lotsa chickens.. but after being in hospital for over 1 month, she couldn't look after the chickens no more.
So she sold them, but one of the chickens must have escaped because I got a little black chicken in me backyard see?"
She proceeded to tell me how the chicken is shy, and runs away when she gets the lawn cut, but always returns. And how the chicken sleeps underneath her window at night.
She then said that she would like to build a chicken pen, but she can't catch this chicken- although she has tried to catch it many times at night when it's sleeping.

Now, this lady lives by herself, and is blind. When she was telling me this story, with a great lot of hand waving, I almost burst myself laughing because I could just see her lying in wait for this black chicken at night.
lol!
But it's great- the chicken keeps her company... And she's the only one in her street with a pet chicken.

2006-06-17T11:52:00.000+09:30

Some quotes from the morning paper:
"With success, I have been given great wealth. And with great wealth comes great responsibility."
No, it's not a misquote from Starwars, its from Mr Gates.
And he is retiring from active decision making at Microsoft, to take up full time work as the US' richest philanthropist with his wife.
At least, he's thinking about his money, and where he can better spend it. Like subsidising medications that could potentially save hundreds, as in basic malaria treatments.

"I don't see [...] as the sum total of myself. It was just something I felt I had to do at a certain time in my life"
This i found interesting.. She felt that going into prostitution was something she had to do. Yet, her actions and consequences got her into that spot in the first place.
I know that's a pretty hard stand, but we were given the ability to reason and weigh up consequences. Nobody really has to do anything. There is always a choice.

2006-06-12T16:47:00.000+09:30

Looks like frog spawn hey? =)

2006-06-09T11:01:00.000+09:30

Everyone's changing. It sounds stupid, but i just realised that it's true.
And i often wonder if i'm being left behind.
Or maybe it's just that i'm headed somewhere different.

In other news, has anyone seen the videoclip of the switchfoot song "We are one tonight"? I like how all the different scenarios kinda meld together based on the position of the people.. very visually tricky! Like a moving montage. You can see it here...

2006-06-07T20:48:00.000+09:30

Hmm...
The weather in adelaide where i'm living gets so cold that there is frost in the mornings.. Real frost that has to be wiped off the car. But that's okay, because there is an INGENIOUS contraption called a heater that warms the house. It keeps me warm, without having to walk around like a marshmellow, or a stuffed turkey.

Well, I'm home, and the weather in sydney is cold.. but not enough to create frost. And i think i'm MORE cold here.. I'm FREEZING in fact!
And you know why?
I think it's to do with the lack of heating here. You see, for my parents, the airconditioning installed isn't really a functional piece. It's more for it's design value, so that the visitors are impressed when they walk through. (If you look really closely, the shutters have dust on them...)

Gosh, i hope i don't turn into my parents!

2006-06-04T19:53:00.000+09:30

Holidays!
For 2 weeks!
What am I going to do?
....
Who knows? But 2 weeks! We'll see how far i can get in sydney without a car.. =p

On another note, it's funny how you write things down, in a diary, journal, blog! and you write about huge things or things that may have struck you at that time.. but when you read over what you have written, it's like you're remembering for the first time. Akin to rummaging through an box packed with old toys, and remembering their significance eons ago.

I happened to stumble across a cousin's blog. I read it with such curiosity. I had always held this preconceived idea of who he was. Strong, smart.. And there he was, typing out his thoughts. How he asked a girl out. Talk of wingmen. Another cousin's blog detailed his antics when he was overseas. Drunken nights. Creating havoc with a group of mates.
I was almost embarrased to read it. It was like i was peering into his mind albeit his mind several years ago.
I wonder what they would think of me, if they found this. The secret life of us indeed.

2006-05-18T17:04:00.000+09:30

Bad news.
My uncle passed away 2 days ago.
It was really sudden.
Out of the blue actually.
I remember the last time I saw him before easter this year.
It was strange, because usually he is running late to family functions. But this time he was on time! And usually I don't really talk to him. But this time he sat down and asked me how studying was going, and how I was enjoying myself.
I said that things were going ok, and that it was tough, but i was enjoying what i was learning.
Then he told me about how he was enjoying lecturing at Mac Uni, and that he should have done this earlier, and how he just loves teaching kids.
But now he's gone.
It's so strange.
Because it was unexpected.
Sometimes i wonder how things work here.

2006-05-04T20:52:00.000+09:30

I feel like...

I'm inadequate.
And i think to myself- what's the point? What was the point in giving up ready access to my friends & family. Letting my hobbies fall to the wayside because I'm so guilty about having to study. Feeling so guilty about having to study that i don't enjoy myself anyways.
And to top it off, trying constantly to pick yourself off the ground after getting yelled at by doctors?

I don't know.
I just had a bad day.
And i miss people.

2006-04-30T16:18:00.000+09:30

I'm sick.
I've got a cold!
When are holidays??

Actually, the best time i've had this year was during easter, when i was the miscellaneous guest to a friend's friend's family easter holiday at a shack near when i am. It was weird and fun.. and eventful.
But not in the traditional sense.

Weird seeing majong being played in Adelaide- when i spent the last holidays being taught how to play by Erica and John.
Fun being around people i haven't really met. And being welcomed. And sitting around a campfire. It made me miss my family and friends in sydney.

Maybe next time i'll go fishing.

2006-04-18T16:19:00.000+09:30

Today i learnt that doctors are full of shit.
Really.
They are..
And it's especially frustrating when they feel the need to put you on the spot with knowledge they know- knowing full well that the odds of a student knowing about some peptide is about as high as winning power lotto.
So in the end, the doctor looks like the font of all wisdom, while the medical student looks like the piece of toe scum that they are.
GRRR!

Well, today because i was in a particularly insolent mood, i decided to google a particular hormone- BNP ("You don't know that BNP -Brain-Naturetic-Peptide- comes from the brain!? that's lacking in your schooling..very poor..") right in front of the doctor.

And low and behold.. BNP IS NOT found in the brain but is found in the heart and the blood. HA!

Doctors are full of shit.
And i told him so. with much enjoyment and smirking.
I hope this doesn't bite me in the arse.
Knowing me.. it will.. but it was worth it!

2006-03-24T12:56:00.000+10:30

For the first time, a friend asked if i was still painting...
And i couldn't say yes. I've given up all sorts of artish crusades, like jewelry and painting, and collecting junk in case of a creative emergency. Well, not quite given up, but rather, put on hold..
Medicine really has taken over. Which is sad. I remember making friendship bands in class in primary school, making jewelry on the weekends. Make dreamcatchers with a friend and selling them at school fairs.
It's times like this when i wish i was able to memorise things so i had time to do art and not be worried by failing. And i guess that's why i've fallen on the instantaneousness of photography as a creative outlet.

And i met up with Ed the other day in Eastwood before his Korean class. It was great catching up- Three things that struck me: 1. Compared to the last time I met him when he first arrived back in Australia(when he was all excited), i thought he was at an ebb. 2. He knows most* of my cousins. Its weird. Like he's a family friend- but not. Though i won't be surprised if he turns up at our next family gathering. He'll probably be appalled at our Aussie-ness. 3. Languages. I was pleased when the Korean restaurant owner said that he had the "right" accent.
*I guess it's practically impossible to know all of my cousins. =p Too many.

Izzy has grown. She's up to my thigh. And she has the wickedest smile. Smart girl. Likes tomato tho.. it's a pity!
Reaquainted myself to Graham Base. Could keep myself amused for hours. Lucky Chrissy.

Am jealous of Erica. She graduates at the end of this year. Soon to be a member of the cult of the employed.
It's strange thinking of John working in a 9-5 job.
Life's changing. People are growing up and i feel like i'm lagging behind. It only bugs me when i get back to Sydney and catch up.
I wonder what i'll be thinking when i'll be working? Hopefully, i'll be thinking of my next artwork..

2006-03-09T21:10:00.000+10:30

I spoke to the visiting counsellor that comes around twice a week to see patients here. She taught me something..

People are either TOO NICE - in which case they tell lies in order to accomodate the other person. Sooner or later, they snap in which case they become NASTY. They snap under the pressure that they place upon themselves and are consequently angry and frustrated, and lash out on the other person.

Somewhere in the middle, people have to learn to tell the TRUTH KINDLY.
So as not to place yourself in a position where you snap once things get unbearable.

For example,
Saying to the boss, yes i can do the extra work everytime when asked, and then getting really jaded and angry at the boss.
Instead, reaching a medium and saying i can't do both this task and this other task.. which would you want me to do more urgently so i can get that done first?

I don't know that that makes any sense in terms of my explaination.. but i really thought that this explained a lot about human nature and our assumptions.

2006-02-22T17:29:00.000+10:30

A doctor told me a joke-
Which i found hilarious!
But on second thoughts got me thinking...
If i wasn't studing medicine, would it be funny?
Would the black humour be lost on me?
And then it dawned on me:
That I AM a nerd.

Holy.
Crabsticks.

Here's the joke:
Why are there nails in coffins?
So that Oncologists know when to stop chemotherapy!
(!!!)

If you find this funny,
And you have nothing to do with the medical industry,
Pray give me a yell.
So i can stop wimpering in the corner..
And keep up my non-nerd facade.

2006-02-14T22:44:00.000+10:30

Today is Valentines Day.
And this is what i did.

Starting at the beginning, I was still at the hospital at 00:00 witnessing a uterus being stitched up after an emergency Caesar last night. Like I might have said before.. weird- This time the doctor brought the uterus over the skin, so that it was easier to stitch it up (and easier for me to see!).It felt really really hard- like an apple?
It was interesting watching it being poked back into the abdomen. Interesting...
Anyways, i didn't manage to get to bed until 01:30.
Only to have to wake up at 06:00 to get to the main hospital 50 minutes away by 08:00.
bah!
Of course, i was with the gynecologist, which was again interesting.
First up was a case of endometriosis, then a dilatation and curettage - where they kinda scrape out the uterus to see what the state of the uterus is- , then a termination of pregnancy.(you wouldn't think a 19 year old girl would need one of those hey?? What ever happened to the OCP? Nevertheless, the doctor prescribed the OCP after the proceedure.)
Lastly was an ovarian tumor removal.. WOW!
I saw a teratoma- the holy grail of pathology (according to one pathologist in second year.. =p) A teratoma is basically a germ cell cancer, which means that it can grow into basically any tissue in the body. Usually it's Hair, cartilage, bone and brain all mushed up in a ball growing in some unusual place.. like in the ovaries or testes. In this case it was full of hair. Gross but kewl.. in a gross way.

Then lunch and the 50 minute drive back home.
Decided that i'd duck into the GP practice to check mail and say hi, only to find out that there would be an emergency appendisectomy within the hour!
So scrubbed in and assisted in that too!
Home at 6:30 and exhaused. Just realised that tomorrow will be back at the hospital starting at 0800. again. AGAIN!
Perhaps i should go to bed before midnight for a change. (But left notes and homework needed for tomorrow at the practice!! Serenity now?)

So, ironically, i saw more lady's bits today than.. well.. ever! in my life!
The irony being on Valentines Day.

I guess i never was into the whole Valantines Day thing. =p
Perhaps next year!

2006-01-29T10:55:00.000+10:30

It's Chinese New Year.. and last night i was out celebrating Australia Day with the locals..
Mostly it was running after a bunch of kids that are my mentor's children.
Good running that is.. the kids were very energetic..
Some of the night was spent pitching mini australian flags into the oval.
The highlight was Humphrey Bear, and the fireworks! (yes, in a town of population 4000, there managed to be fireworks!)

And I can't finish without commenting on the cheap food- $2.50 for hot chips and $1.50 for 4 freshly cooked donuts?! It's like i was back to the good old days... =p

2006-01-24T19:55:00.000+10:30

I wish i was brave enough to say things to people as i feel them.
It is somewhat of a curse, actually. But it didn't always start that way.
It usually starts off as a crush where i generally try to hang around them.. =p
And we usually end up being friends.. (Which is good.)
But that's when the trouble starts.. coz sometimes I'm a bit blinded to the reciprocal nature of the friendship- where maybe they are interested.

Sometimes I've had people come up to me and say, "You and so-and-so should get together..." or "Why aren't you and so-and-so going out?" or the blunt "So-and-so is cute, why don't you do something about it?"

Dammit that's annoying.

And i usually reply, "I don't know.."
Or more commmonly, "So-and-so has a girlfriend"
Because i've left it too late and they've gone and asked another girl out.

So far this has happened 3 times.

Maybe someday i'll be able to say "Ok, I will." And run out and ask him right then and there.

Maybe.

2006-01-22T20:00:00.000+10:30

A friend is going to be a mum very soon!
I went to Adelaide for the weekend, and I'm guessing everyone is excited about the baby!
It's due on the 26th January- which is very soon..(i like to state the oblivious!) and she's probably a bit tired of people asking about the baby..
excitement!

2006-01-18T23:44:00.000+10:30

My current flat mate is attempting to teach me how to drive a manual car. It's quite hard actually.. not that i expected anything less.. especially since i'm not the quickest of learners in motor vehicles. It took me 2 tries to get my L's! and then another 2 times to get my P's! Anyway, i know how to drive- kinda... I was on the highway and i didn't stall! (only because driving a manual on a highway is much the same as driving an auto.. no gear shifts and weird arse balancing of the clutch and accelerator..)

Anyways, this year, i'm in Waikerie.. which is a small town 2 hours drive from "town" (aka Adelaide) with a population of abouts 5000. It's quite dry and HOT! If you don't believe me check out the forecast... HERE

See.. I'm justified in my complaining.. =p

And the photo... here is the stupidest ticket i've received. I've never been booked for speeding or disrupting traffic or drinking or even pulled over for a random breath test... and what do i get, but a ticket for PARKING FACING THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION OF TRAFFIC! WTF!?

2006-01-07T16:01:00.000+10:30

Hmmmm.. It's the last day of holidays and i've been ringing everyone from my friends in Adelaide, to my one and only primary school friend who i've still kept in contact with for something to do tonight. I've realised that there must be a big secret party somewhere this Saturday night- That or the simultaneous blockage of all mobile phones belonging to my friends. I don't think i've faced this much rejection since applying for IT grad positions 2 years ago.
Nothing says loneliness more than spending the last days of your holidays alone. *sigh* I guess the appropriate thing to do would be to wallow in your own self pity.

2006-01-04T21:13:00.000+10:30

And before you could blink an eye, there were 3 days before you had to return to the books. Where did the time go?

And a favour? If anyone can rad Vietnamese, I'm dying to find out what these signs say! They were posted in front of the local hospital in Hoi An.

2006-01-01T21:23:00.000+10:30

Happy new year!

2005-12-30T14:31:00.000+10:30

Back from Vietnam.. Boy was it different. For starters.. Pho is eaten for breakfast!! Breakfast!!!
The whole country runs on motorbikes. And the afore said motorbikes can be found anywhere from on the street to in stores. They'can also be used for sleeping and as a seat for sitting, especially if that little corner restaurant on the road is a bit too crowded.
The photo is of a horde of wooden water puppets that you can buy outside a temple.

It's good to be back in Sydney.. But why must the weather be 35 000 degrees?!

2005-12-13T10:41:00.000+10:30

Here's everything i've accumulated in 2 years. The sad thing is that 3 boxes are just books and files.

Packing is hard. Especially when you're a horder like me. But then you kinda logic your way through sorting things.. and then you try picking up the boxes which are filled with .. stuff .. So you end up throwing things away. Which you regret later when you can't find anything anymore!
I swear i had a dooby-majig .. but i think that went in the great devastation of 2005... Lets bow our heads and take 1 minute of silence..

2005-12-11T22:19:00.000+10:30

2 days drive later, and i'm back in sydney. Already I'm hooked on a TV show- some pilot from America called Prison Break.

A friend got me thinking... into why people settle for things, circumstances, people when they want something else..? Because things are easier, more convenient, simpler? But does choosing the easy option make life happier? Conversely, by choosing not to settle do people just pile up regrets, on opportunities not taken?

2005-11-29T01:23:00.000+10:30

So, this is the end of second year.
2 years done, 2 years to go.
2 years away fron Sydney and all my friends.. who have i kept in contact with?
Who has kept in contact with me?
Who are the new people i have met?
How many will still call if i'm living in another city? I wonder? hmmmm?
p.s. i hate packing. It's times like these when i wish i wasn't such a horder of junk.

2005-11-17T00:09:00.000+10:30

This is the top of the world.
Maybe i should think small, because i miss small things from my view up here.

2005-11-09T23:29:00.000+10:30

(This photo is an ode to gamblor...=p)

---
----
-----I'm feeling rather stretched. As Bilbo Baggins said, kinda spread out thin like a bit of butter on too much bread. I'm tired of studying. I'm wanting to get out and have fun. I'm wanting to get on with my life and start working. I feel like i'm doing things in reverse. Move out of home when i'm still studying. Worrying about bills and groceries and cooking, when most people i know are worried about which top to wear to casual friday at work this week. Trying to make out that i'm smart, but not too smart lest people take what i say to heart. Trying to make our lives more interesting when really, everyone is moving their own black and white paint in circles attempting to make a colour- any colour. Trying to act nice when I just want to yell shut up you twit. You don't know how tiring it is reining in this desire.How much self control is takes. It wears you down. A guy who did my undergrad degree once said that it's easiest to be yourself and not pretend. He was right. He is right. But if that were the case, this world would be littered with sulky loud-mouthed nut bags. Yes, there is a place for self restraint, and you use online diaries to vent.
Thank you for reading this, if you did read this. If you didn't then this isn't relevant.